Remember back when you were a little girl and you anxiously awaited for October 31st to roll around so you could break out your favorite costume, and pretend to be whomever or whatever your heart desired for one magical night? Playing dress up is nothing short of enchanting, but now with socials and theme parties you don’t have to wait for that one time a year to take on a new identity or dress in costume. The magic from before may be replaced with bad decisions and the enchantment in the air may now be overrun with alcohol fumes, but hey there are pros and cons to each of the social themes in college.
Pros: You get to fool everyone into thinking you actually go to the gym. Okay, sure you do. But this is the perfect opportunity to break out those lulu leggings and that obnoxiously bright sports bra that only the sweaty elliptical users gets to glance at you in. It’s common knowledge that leggings are God’s gifts to asses and neon clothing makes you look like a tan Amazonian goddess. We all know you don’t actually look this good when you work out.
Cons: It’s difficult to feel like you’re truly trying hard enough with this look. Is a smokey eye too much? Should you truly own the workout theme and go sans makeup? Haha no, you’re not trying to actually get people to *sprint* away from you.
Pros: Whether it be the eighties, nineties, or you break out a classic Victorian corset (I don’t know the limits of your wardrobe), it’s fun to dress from different time periods. It makes you nostalgic for something you didn’t even experience. Get ready for back to back throwback tracks all night, and if you hate throwback tracks you should probably not attend this social. In fact, you should probably just leave the country, because no one really wants you here anyway.
Cons: You’ll have to deal with the girl who swears she belonged in the nineties or claims she has a ~hippies soul~. Whatever. Plus you have to question what in your wardrobe really fits into the time period. Seriously? Were flower crowns ever popular? Should you be ashamed to even own one now? Should your choker stay in the nineties where it belongs?
Pros: Back when you fantasized about college parties when you were a mere high schooler you probably pictured yourself dancing tabletop, clutching your red cup and wearing your toga as beer was splashing and music was booming. Wait? That was just me? Oh. Togas have been a staple of Greek culture and college parties for decades. You may just want to have a social with the toga theme for the photo op or so that you can brag to your high school friends. Honestly, I’m pretty sure that’s the only pro. At least if you pass out on the side of the road, you have a nice blanket curl up with.
Cons: Have you ever tried to look good in a toga? Because every attempt I have made makes me look like a lumpy mess. Not only do you have to find a sheet you don’t mind getting stains of jungle juice and beer on, you also have to learn how to fold it and maneuver it around your body without looking like the goodyear tire guy.
Pros: On the list of sexiest things, secretaries definitely fall in the top five. Maybe it’s the submissive and sultry aspect that appeals to men, but who knows? I don’t possess male genitalia so I really can’t tell you, but you’re guaranteed to look hot. Plus, the outfit is super easy to pull off. Literally just find a button down shirt and forget there are buttons. Voilà. You’re set.
Cons: I don’t know know about you but I like to live in a constant denial that I will ever have to graduate college and move on to the real world. How is this theme fun to people? There will literally come a time in your life will you will be forced to dress like this — with a lot more skin covered, mind you. I like the themes that distract me from real life, not remind me of it.
Mathletes and Athletes:
Pros: Whoever realized that mathletes and athletes rhymed probably thought he/she was a goddamn genius because I would have never put this together. This theme is so convenient due to the fact that you have the option to dress like a nerd or an athlete. Few themes give you the opportunity to let you chose especially between such different options. Plus, who doesn’t love dressing like a slutty nerd. It’s a walking oxymoron.
Cons: Well at first you wanted to be a nerd, but then you realized everyone was being a mathlete. So you tried to be an athlete but the oversized jersey made you look pregnant. Once again your inner indecisiveness has kicked in full throttle. This is why themes shouldn’t give you options.
Yes, there are pros and cons to each mixer theme. But as long as you give it your all, and manage to not blackout at the pregame, I’m sure it’ll be a blast. .