Birthdays are so fun. Although every day is already about you, on this day, people celebrate your existence. They give you presents for being alive! They gather in droves to assemble an event at which you are encouraged to be bratty and belligerent. Even that girl that was in a group project with you and your second grade boyfriend will take time out of their day to send you their best wishes on your special day. But the far and beyond best part of birthdays is the cake. Cake is the first thing you think of when you have a birthday. If you are standing in the middle of the mall, holding a cake, everyone will just assume there’s a birthday girl/boy in the Forever 21, and a party is about to go down right here right now.
A chivalrous chef baked not one cheesecake, but FIFTY tiny cheesecakes for his girlfriend. 5-0. He posted pictures of the mini masterpieces on Reddit. He also posted another picture (click next on the image below) that was truly stomach-turning. It showed all of the cakes with a bite taken out of half of them.
What kind of monster would eat half of a mini cake? Is your mouth this size of a small rodent’s?
The crumb factor alone is just cruel. Can you imagine the accumulation of debris that would manifest from tiny bites out of 50 different cheesecakes? It’s a wonder their entire kitchen isn’t being overthrown by an ant-archy. Also, everyone knows that birthday calories don’t count. So take that stick out of your prissy, clenched asshole and eat the GD cakes that your boyfriend slaved over. He Rattatouied the fuck out of those little shits and you better show him some appreciation, you thankless barbarian.
If anyone knows the whereabouts of this baker boyfriend, let him know that I would put the whole thing in my mouth and swallow. The cake that is..
Image via Imgur