One of the most underappreciated holidays is April Fool’s Day. You get to be a total cunt for the entire day and don’t even need to apologize for it. The best part is not having to use the excuse, “I was so shitfaced” to make up for your devious pranks. When you were a little kid, you did dumb shit like switching the bags of cereal and putting them in different boxes. But now that you are older, you need to spice things up a bit. Whether you are pulling the pranks on people because you love them, hate them, want to bang them, or don’t even know them, they can’t be a pussy about it and neither can you. Don’t be scared to get a little naughty. This is your free pass. If you need a little help, I’ve got you covered for all of the people you want to mess with this April Fools Day.
- Write, “Honk if you want sex” on the back of your booty call’s car as you are sneaking out in the morning. At least he will be having a good day with all of the love from other people.
- When he’s drunk and passed out naked, get his roommates to help you move him onto a float. Take him to the pool and let him float away.
- Replace the faces in all of her pictures with cutouts of Donald Trump’s face.
- Add a fake head in your roommate’s bed when he or she is sleeping.
- Steal their phone while they are sleeping, put it about five feet away from their bed on the ground, and give them a call. They will have to put their feet down in order to get it. Once that happens, grab their ankles and watch them run out the door.
- Hire a mariachi band to follow him around all day.
- Give the t-shirts you have with his letters on them to homeless people.
- When the not-so-cute bartender asks what you want, say, “Your dick,” then hand him a note with your ex’s phone number on it. Bonus: you will probably get a free drink.
- Steal your sister’s phone and put her number in her Tinder bio. Don’t forget to add “call for a good time ;)”
- Sign her up for dirty magazines.
- Tell your parents you are calling from jail. Say you were at a party and got caught with drugs. Ask for them to bail you out.
- Have a friend call your parents at a time you know they won’t answer. Have them leave a message saying, “Hi. This is Mr. Cooper calling from the (local zoo), and I am calling to discuss some problems we’ve been having with your daughter, (your name). If you could please call me back at (zoo’s phone number). Thank you.”
- This is a classic. Leave an opened pregnancy test in your boyfriend’s bathroom. After you’re sure he’s seen it, say, “We need to talk…” He’ll literally shit his pants.
- Text your boyfriend a picture in a wedding dress and say you just purchased it.
- Use makeup to make it look like you have a hickey that was not there before the last time he saw you.
- Put a piece of clear plastic wrap across all of the toilets in your sorority house. “Good morning my gorgeous Chi O-MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS TOILET!?”
- Tie two people’s doorknobs together so they can’t get out.
- Replace any lotion you can find with extremely dark tanning lotion. Hello Oompa Loompas.
- If you are feeling really ballsy, walk into a fraternity party and break up with a random dude who is hitting on another chick. Throw a huge hissy fit. “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU CHEATED ON ME, YOU PRICK. I NEVER WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN….etc. etc.” Wear a necklace and give it “back” to them. Poor guy isn’t going to get laid.
- Anonymously send a porn video of old people to your frenemy.
- Hide all of the alcohol in a frat house.
- Get to work early, print out signs that say “Door broken. Please use other door” with an arrow pointing to the left, and put it on all of the doors.
- Put a “For Sale” sign in the front of your rival sorority’s house.
- Tell your guy friend who thinks your nemesis is hot that you can hook them up. Give him the number to a phone sex chat line and say she doesn’t like texting therefore he has to call.
Your Best Friend
Happy April Fools, bitches!.