Applying For Jobs Is Just Like Dating And I Suck At Both


I have never been in a *serious* relationship, and I have yet to land my first *big girl* job. While attempting to navigate life as a single girl with no career, I have come to the realization that, essentially, dating and applying for jobs are the exact same thing. There are many striking similarities between the two acts, and in an attempt to analyze my failure at both while simultaneously entertaining the masses, I’m here to call those out.

They’re Both New And Exciting.
When you first begin your job search everything is new and exciting. You create a mental list of all the aspects that would make up your dream job: location, company, responsibilities, work culture, benefits, etc. You start browsing job boards and find job after job that looks like one you would be excited to accept. The same applies for dating. Whether you’re swiping your way through an endless amount of hot locals on Bumble or scoping out the talent at your favorite bar on a Saturday night, it seems as if the options are endless. Any ridiculously good-looking guy would be lucky to talk to you. I mean who wouldn’t want to fuck you, amiright?

You Learn You Have To Lower Your Standards
But then you realize, no, not every guy wants to fuck you. That 10 you’re eying from across the bar does not want to buy you a drink, and the Calvin Klein model you swiped right never returned the favor. Only a small fraction of the job applications you sent out want to set up an interview. You slowly start to realize you might not be some kind of goddess and drop some qualities off that dream job/Bae list.

Having Connections Helps
Applying for jobs is a lot of networking and utilizing your connections. You are much more likely to land an interview with a recommendation and flagged resume. Companies will favor candidates that come in on a good referral. Similarly to dating, you are more likely to give some goon a chance if a friend is setting you up, and telling you all the wonderful things about his rumored dick size personality.

Ghosting Is Real
I honestly can’t decide what is worst: being ghosted by a guy or by a company. I’ve had both happen to me, and I’m leaning towards the job ghost. Granted, that could be because I don’t catch the feels too easily, but regardless getting ghosted by anyone sucks. When a date ghosts you, you start to question your looks, your personality, or if you came off a little too *crazy.* The same goes for when a company leaves you hanging after submitting an application, or worse, never gets back to you after an interview. You read any silence or rejection as a blow to your character and qualifications, and more importantly, your ego.

Following-Up Is Important
You go in for your in-person interview, and HR tells you they are “looking to make a decision within the next week” and “will be in touch soon.” You follow-up, telling the people you interviewed with how great it was to meet with them, and then give them their space to get in touch “soon.” That week goes by, and silence. You refresh your inbox — empty. They’re probably just really busy, so you give them a few more days before sending another follow-up to let them know you’re still interested in the opportunity. Everyone is busy. When you start seeing someone new or are keeping things casual, you are not going to be their number one priority (hashtag lifting, hashtag sports). So you haven’t talked to them in over a week, you hit them up once to not come off too obsessive and crazy but show you’re still interested and DTF.

Dating can get tiring, and applying for jobs can start to get old, but they’re both a part of life. Doing both at the same time forces you to deal with loads of rejection. Sometimes a company boy strings you along for four in-person interviews dates before they finally decide they don’t want to hire you make it exclusive. So to all the companies that have chosen another candidate over me, or guys who have chosen to chase other girls over me — fuck you, I’m a catch. And I have plenty of experience. One of these days I will find my *perfect match,* and so will you.

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