Dear Ladies of the Night,
While we may not have much in common other than our sometimes terrible taste in men, I want to stress that any innate desire to compete against or despise one another is truly unnecessary.
It doesn’t matter if you are an ex-girlfriend or a forgotten one-night stand, because we are all connected by the universe through circumstances beyond our control (and if you want to get graphic, bodily fluids).
So, rather than distrust or alienate each other, we should celebrate and even acknowledge that we all share this unshakable, permanent, and irrefutable bond. And I am proud of each and every one of you and your accomplishments.
You’re going to be doctors, lawyers, associate managers at Denny’s, dentists, politicians, escorts (I think some of you may already be), horticulturists, professors, drunks, my sales attendants at Saks, marine biologists, “fashion” and “lifestyle” bloggers, nurses, mothers (again, I think some of you may already be), meth heads, groupies, waitresses, engineers, drug dealers, my bathroom attendants, vice presidents, interns, and people in crop tops that I’ve shaken my head at.
Life is too short to do anything but celebrate every last piece of it, and I want to let you all know that I #bless every last wonderful and truly inspiring piece of you.
To quote “American History X” (not that I’ve seen that movie multiple times or sometimes encourage violent behavior) “So I guess this is where I tell you what I learned–my conclusion, right? Well, my conclusion is: hate is baggage. Life’s too short to be pissed off all the time. It’s just not worth it. Derek says it’s always good to end a paper with a quote. He says someone else has already said it best. So if you can’t top it, steal from them and go out strong. So I picked a guy I thought you’d like. ‘We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.’ ”
And because I’m assuming you cheated your way through high school history (and I got a 5 on my AP test) the latter end of the quote is from Abraham Lincoln’s 1861 inaugural address.