An Angry Police Officer Threw Jizz At A Female Coworker Because We’re Not Sure Why

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Don’t you hate it when you get so flustered that you have to throw semen at your crush? I know I do. I throw all sorts of shit at my boyfriend, mainly because I just get so mad at him for not existing.

A 45-year-old NYPD sergeant named Michael Iscenko has been suspended after he reportedly threw semen on a female coworker inside police headquarters. A source claimed that “he was apparently so enamored by her that he threw semen on her.” Apparently, our boy Mike had a crush on the woman, so, like any logical decision-maker, he opted to throw a handful of his own jizz in her face to showcase his affection. Which is weird, because I thought boys were supposed to buy you roses when they like you. This is a truly frightening game-changer.

Maybe this primitive act is rooted in our ape-like biological makeup or something. I don’t know. I can’t even fathom what possible reasons Iscenko had for tossing a handful of his jerk sauce at an innocent lady cop, but we should all be concerned. Not only can this guy vote and breed, but he actually serves to protect the public. No one is safe.

Authorities are currently investigating the incident, but I doubt they’ll come up with anything concrete. This was probably just another instance of the male ego blowing up in a woman’s face, and quite literally so.

[via Daily News]

Image via arindambanerjee /

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Lucky Jo

Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to

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