Everybody throw three fingers up because this is a fucking shocker.
Amanda “Twitter Selfies” Bynes was arrested last night. The cops arrived at her New York City apartment after a building official called police. The second craziest bitch in the world was smoking a joint in her building lobby and “acting erratically” (re: probably high as fuck). When the police got to her apartment, she opened the door, let them in, and then proceeded to throw her bong out of a window, because nothing screams, “I’m not doing anything wrong” quite like quickly throwing a massive glass bong out of your window, as we all learned freshman year.
Bynes was arrested and charged with criminal possession of pot (because, you know, she was smoking weed), reckless endangerment (because she threw a glass bong out of a high rise building, which could have seriously injured anyone on the street), and FELONY tampering with evidence (because she destroyed her bong).
Apparently, Amanda started flipping the fuck out when cops tried to cuff her, and screamed her latest favorite line, “DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I AM??!” I can understand why she made that her go-to. Obviously, it worked so well for her earlier this week, when she tried to get on a private jet, and we all know how well it worked for Reese Witherspoon last month. Cops love few things more than self-important lawbreakers.
Amanda was booked and brought to an NYC holding cell. She appeared before a judge early this morning and was released immediately following her hearing. The judge gave her a “stern warning.” If she fails to appear in court in July, a warrant for her arrest will be issued.
What did Amanda have to say for herself? She claimed the bong was “Just a vase!” Oh. That makes sense now. There are PLENTY of reasons for frantically flinging a decorative vase out of an apartment building window:
1. She was hiding drugs in the vase
2. She was trying to create a diversion.
3. She was going to take the fall for the vase, who was obviously the one smoking a J in the lobby.
4. The vase refused to like her Instagram pictures.
5. The vase was a fucking bong.
Amanda also looked SUPER fierce in her mug shot, which revealed she has in fact hacked off all of her hair in order to wear that gorgeous platinum blonde bird’s nest of a wig she’s been wearing. Draco Malfoy, is that you?
Jesus Christ, Amanda, get it together.
Image via Associated Press