Oh shit. You’ve been trying your hardest to avoid it, but the inevitable has finally happened: you’ve gotten the dreaded e-mail that your presence is required at a standards meeting. It’s okay. It happens. Worst of all, though, you pretty much know exactly what you’re due in for. Even though this past weekend was a sort-of blacked out blur, you have a pretty good feeling of which action took you from “drunk” to “liability.” Oops. I know we’re all supposed to be on our best behavior at all times, because once you go Greek, you become a representative of something much bigger than you are. After all, you wear your letters to class, and those people you sit next to in lecture don’t just forget which house you’re in when they see you at the bar. I mean, I get it. However, there are some ridiculous, outrageous behaviors plenty of people have gotten in trouble for, and when it comes down to it, they’re usually way more funny than offensive.
This is one that usually gets thrown around when that bitch from e-board who never goes out just happens to show up at the bar on the night you’re out celebrating your most recent breakup. Your friends aren’t worried that you’re drowning your sorrows by double fisting double vodkas when you’re not slamming shots, but Miss Buzzkill is freaked the fuck out by it. She can’t believe you would engage in “at risk behavior” that is “unbecoming of a member of your sorority.” At least, that’s what she says in your standards letter. This is a hard one to refute, because you can’t deny something she witnessed firsthand. Generally, you just have to apologetically downplay it, and convince standards this isn’t a common occurrence.
Oh, your bad, you accidentally posted in-action pictures of the shots you were taking last weekend, and you weren’t even shy about it. You didn’t try hiding the picture of you jovially waving the bottle of Burnett’s at the camera at formal. Oops. Most chapters have policies against the promotion of underage drinking on social media sites, but everyone makes mistakes. You can usually diffuse this bomb if you promise to remove said pictures. If you seem genuine enough, you’ll probably get off with just a warning. Score.
This is such a broad category, because it can refer to a multitude of regrettable behaviors, spanning from “allowing Eric to do a body shot off of you during the Luau party” to “blacking out and making out with your BFF on a dare.” This behavior is usually best approached with an, “I’m sorry. I was drunk,” followed by an exhibition of humiliation, genuine or feigned: “I don’t know what else to say. I’m ashamed.” As mortifying as some of these situations may seem, they’re actually not that bad. I mean, we’ve all done something way regrettable at one point or another, and these situations are usually the ones that make the best stories later. After you’re done convincing exec board you’re not a complete lost cause, paying a considerable fine, and sober monitoring two way fun mixers, this will be something to laugh about.
As gorgeous as the sorority house is, it’s also a place of debauchery. Unfortunately for all of us, this debauchery doesn’t always go hand-in-hand with coming back to said gorgeous houses. I’ve heard countless horror stories from girls who have come back drunk and accidentally knocked over heirlooms, broken glass, or wreaked havoc with a fire extinguisher simply because they wanted to make it snow during finals week. Either way, damaging property is never a good thing, and it’s usually going to result in a meeting with your standards board. This is one of those scenarios you can’t argue yourself out of, so it’s usually best to start off with your excessive apology and offer to replace whatever it is you broke, because you’re going to have to do that anyway. Let’s hope it wasn’t an old trophy from a Nationals convention 40 years ago or anything too major.
“Inappropriate Relations With Members of X Fraternity”
I’m not kidding, a friend of mine was literally called to standards for sexing the wrong guy. I mean, true, she may or may not have been like, two articles of clothing away from engaging in X-rated behavior on the dance floor in a fraternity basement, but whatever. LET HER LIVE, I say. This is probably the most hilarious reason to be called to standards ever, in my opinion because it means standards has become the sex police, essentially. Either way, I think she just had to sober monitor, and I can’t even imagine what she used for an apology in this case. Sorry for partying? Just kidding.