According To Scientists, Our Drinking Water Is Basically Just Dinosaur Pee

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As I sat down to write this article, an ice-cold bottle of water in my hand, a thought ran through my mind. It terrified me so much that a chill trickled down my back…then down my leg into a shameful puddle where my shoes used to be–is all the water in the world basically dinosaur pee?

When I pick up a pack of bottled water, am I really drinking pressurized, prehistoric pee pee? Why do I think these things? I don’t know. But I’m DEFINITELY not alone. The American Water Resources Association wanted to get to the bottom of this, too, and the association wouldn’t rest until it shook every last drop of this mystery into the toilet bowl of truth.

This has apparently been a question that water researchers have been toying with for quite some time. A researcher by the name of Dr. Robert Giegengack, professor emeritus of earth and environmental science at the University of Pennsylvania, postulated that there could be “40,000 ‘Moses molecules’ per 8 ounce glass of water,” choosing to use Moses as a substitute for dinosaurs to draw a human element to the question. So we could be drinking prophet piss? That would certainly give new meaning to the phrase “Jesus juice.” How divine.

Apparently, to assume the hypothesis that we’re drinking dinosaur pee, we have to assume two constants: “1) the amount of water in the hydrological cycle has remained more or less constant since the time of the dinosaurs (if not longer); and 2) water molecules last forever.”

In the book “The Future of Water: A Startling Look Ahead,” by Steve Maxwell and Scott Yates, they state that, “The water that dinosaurs drank is the same water we drink today, and the amount of water in the world is the same, too. Fossil fuels get burned and are gone forever. Water remains.” Furthermore, author Charles Fishman argues in his book, “The Big Thirst,” that water is so resilient and powerful that the molecules that make it up are millions of years old. Hundreds of millions, in fact!

So, essentially, if you ignore that atoms may or may not have changed over the billions and billions of years this planet has existed and had water on it, then yeah, you’re drinking dinosaur pee.

Probably makes you think twice about dumping that bucket of water on your head now, huh? Splashing that bottle of water in your face after finishing a 5K seems a bit dirty now, doesn’t it? And if you’ve ever been sprayed with a hose or a water gun, congratulations! You can now put your finger down in Never Have I Ever when a friend says she’s “never had a golden shower.” She has, too. Dirty liar.

Stick to vodka, kids. It’s not urine.

[via American Water Resources Association]

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New York's Hottest Club is wherever I am. Haters to the front, hunky Sailors to the back. Bow down betches. Follow this bitch on Twitter @StefonTSM

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