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A Message To Taylor Swift: 22 Is Not What You Said It Would Be

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Taylor Swift’s songs know no boundaries when it comes to gender, race, religion, creed or age — so she’s basically a humanitarian whose work is best appreciated with a box of wine. My only real issue with TSwift is that fact that she not only got with a Kennedy, but is so young and has so much going for her. #NotBitter To make myself and hopefully others feel better, I have written proof that you can enjoy the sentiments behind the hit song “22” at any age.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling twenty-two” she whistled merrily, lighting a greased rag and tossing it into the CHOP’T where she had spent most of her last paycheck.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling twenty-two” she whispers to herself while cutting the braids off her American Girl doll, shaping the golden hairs into
an Anna Wintour-inspired bob.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling twenty-two” she cackled to the lightning-ridden sky, grasping for the weathervane with blood-soaked fingers.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling twenty-two” she wondered aloud to the tender, lonely night, walking home alone in six-inch lucite heels and gingerly peeling the dollar bills from her bedazzled thong.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling twenty-two” she cried with elation, driving her Vespa straight into a pack of British school children.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling twenty-two” she stated to the court, as they cited her multiple counts of drug, alcohol and sanitary violations; the latter pertaining to owning thirty-six cats and a llama.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling twenty-two” she yelled at the construction workers, trying to entice them — yet they continued to pour concrete
with nary a word or gesture.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling twenty-two” she muttered angrily to herself while scrolling through her Facebook feed, mentally calculating the cost of all the engagement parties and weddings she would have to attend in the coming year.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling twenty-two” she mockingly snarled at the remaining summer interns, taking a hard swig of whiskey on the rocks.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling twenty-two” she sobbed into her keyboard, finally seeing photos of the recent college-grad her fiancé had left her for.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling twenty-two” she quizzically thought to herself, slowly sauntering past the interfraternity touch football game.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling twenty-two” she sang without a care, inciting the rest of the rush hour subway passengers and the homeless man who smacked her soundly across the shins with a cane fashioned out of a former railroad tie.

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sarahsolfails

To quote Dr. Seuss, "Being crazy isn't enough." Writer living in NYC.

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