We’ve never officially met, unless you count the drunken nights in all those fraternity basements, but I know who you are. I know pretty much everything about you. If you know who I am, you probably hate me–and I’m here to tell you that I’d hate me, too. I’m also here to say I don’t give a fuck.
You see, being a side bitch is perfect. We get all the attention and sex that you get, but we’re also free of the fighting, attachment, neediness, and issues that come with the main bitch. Don’t hate us because we’re better than you, hate us because your boyfriend says we give better head.
You may think that because I’m the side bitch, I have low self-respect and that I’m just a slut. Nope. Sorry to break it to you, but I do respect myself, and that’s why I’m not the main squeeze. See, most of us chose this life. We could clean up our acts and become a cookie-cutter girlfriend if we wanted to, but being the mysterious, wild, other woman is just too much fun. There’s a danger and a risk that comes with doing what we do, but we know we’ll never get caught. Those nights you wanted to go to the bar with your sisters? Yeah, we were at his house smoking weed and hooking up. Those afternoons you spent studying in the library? We were banging on my couch. And what about all those times you’re not busy, but he is? Yep, you guessed it. He’s with me.
You might also think, “Wow don’t you care about how I feel? What if a guy did this to you?” Well, my answer is simple. I would never date a guy who would cheat on me. That’s the thing–we know nothing will come of this arrangement we have. We’re fully aware of where we stand and we’ve accepted the fact that we’ll never be more. That’s okay with us, because we don’t want more. We’re getting what we want and we are satisfied with the results. So, no. I don’t care about how you feel. I’m just along for the ride.
We’re friends. Buddies. Pals. Confidants. That’s how I know so much about you. All your issues and fights–who do you think he vents to? And his family problems that he’s too embarrassed to tell you about because he wants to seem tough Who do you think he comes to when he needs to talk? I know him just as well as you do–maybe even better. He can be himself when he’s with me. He can let down his guard. He can show his insecurities. He can be the asshole he truly is, because I don’t give a shit about what’s underneath. You see a caring boyfriend who adores you, I see a douche who calls you crazy behind your back.
There’s always uncertainty in relationships, whether you’re fighting, breaking up, getting too serious, or whatever. For us–the other women–there’s no concern or worry. We know it’s going nowhere. You may think we’re worthless and replaceable, but we are far from that. We have every text, dick pic, and message your boyfriend ever sent us, and he knows how easily we could end your relationship by twisting his words to make it seem like he’s the ass and we were just the poor, helpless girl who fell for him. He won’t replace us. We’ll stay right where we are: under your boyfriend while you’re already asleep.