We all have one: the girlfriend in our group who is so self-involved, she wouldn’t notice if you got shot. That is, of course, unless your blood splattered all over her new dress and she could tell everyone about how devastating it was…for her outfit to get ruined. She can make any situation all about her (“Oh, your dog died today? My cat died when I was 12!”) and she can’t stand it unless all of the attention–especially from guys–is on her.
We could go into all kinds of psycho-babble as to why she’s so self-centered, but the fact of the matter is, you will never be able to change her into a more selfless person. There are two choices when it comes to her. You can either ditch her or you can learn to cope. We have to assume that she has some redeeming quality that has kept her in your friend circle for this long. (Perhaps a beach house you get to use in the summer?) So here are some tips on how to deal.
Know Your Role
We always tend to blame the self-absorbed person for her shitty behavior, but let’s be honest–what’s your part in it? Have you ever called her out on it? Now, we aren’t saying you need to go all bitchtastic on her every time some self-centered drivel comes out of her mouth, but a casual “Hey, can I finish my story?” or “I really need to talk about what’s going on with me,” or “I really want to bang the hot guy at the bar, so please stop feeling his pecs” can go a long way. Along the same lines…
Don’t Be A Doormat
Self-absorbed people have no sense of what others want or need or really anything that’s going on around them. They have tunnel vision. We witnessed this ourselves a few weeks ago when we were out at a bar with our group of friends. B was talking to a cute guy at the bar when T (our super self-involved friend) dropped in on the conversation. She proceeded to dominate the situation and wound up hooking up with the guy. Sure, we can be mad at T for conducting the robbery, but what was even worse was that B just walked away, even though she was interested. Why, you ask? Because she didn’t want to deal with the drama. But here’s the thing–self-involved people will walk all over you if you let them. They tend to back down if you don’t. B should have stayed in that conversation and asserted herself. (By the way, that dude never texted T after that night…and we still snicker about it behind her back occasionally.)
Travel In A Pack
The self-involved girlfriend is ALWAYS worse one-on-one. Odds are, you and your other friends have discussed her self-involvement at some point (or many points). Instead of just bitching about it, come up with a plan for how to deal with it when you are all together. Maybe you trade off who is stuck next to her at dinner, develop a plan to cut her off when she launches into yet another story about herself, or ply her with vodka so she passes out early. No matter what, dealing with her together is better than dealing with her alone.
Set Some Boundaries
The expectations self-involved people have for their friends tend to be high or unreasonable. She doesn’t like to drive, so you wind up as the DD every weekend. She doesn’t have to work tomorrow, so you’re stuck at the bar until 3 a.m. when you need to be in the office at 8 the next morning. Therefore, you need to set some boundaries, only promise what you can and WANT to deliver and don’t take responsibility for her neediness. You said you wanted to leave at midnight and she wants to stay out? Great, here’s the number to a cab company.
Go On Hiatus
Sometimes the best thing to do is just take a break. Self-involved friends can suck the energy right out of you, so it may just be best to not hang out for a while. If you don’t want to straight up tell her why you don’t want to hang out, be “busy” or “tired” or whatever. Take some time for you that lets you recharge your bullshit battery so you can deal with her again later.
So there you have it, friends–our tips for dealing with one of the most toxic kind of friends, Self-Absorbed Sally. We’ve used these ourselves and they’ve worked, so if they don’t work for you, well, maybe it’s you. Just kidding (maybe). But if you use these tips and you still can’t deal with her, you may need to ask yourself–is the summer beach house worth it?