A Definitive Ranking Of The People You Meet In Class


There are a lot of different kinds of people in college. When it comes to being in class, everyone usually falls into one of the following categories. Here’s which ones to let into your class squad, and which ones to avoid.

1. Group of Fraternity Guys Taking This Class As A Requirement
These are my favorite people. Sure, I might be biased because I love my fraternity boys, and they love me (duh), but they always rise to the occasion in one way or another when it comes to academics. If the class is required for them, as it often is, they will actually put forth an effort to do well, and they’ve the resources to make the A’s happen. Studying with these guys will include test bank material, pledges to fetch you coffee, and subtle hints at marriage.

2. The Kid Who Does Know Shit
Also known as the Nerd, this person somehow understands everything in this class. Ask them for help when you really really need it, but make sure you’ve tried to work it out for yourself first. The easiest way to get someone to never help you is to always ask them for help without doing any of your own work first.

3. You, i.e. The Average Student
This is just a nice person in your class who shows up, does their work, and does ok. If it’s a hard class, they might be a bit clueless at times (aren’t we all), but they’re trying, and will most likely be down to study with you and anyone else who needs to work a little harder to do their best in the class.

4. The Guy Who’s Just As Clueless As You
This guy may not sound like a winner, but he’s necessary to keep you sane. This is the dude you give the Jim Halpert look to whenever someone starts talking and you understand nothing, and he throws one back. You probably sit in the middle/back together and copy each other’s homework whenever one of you is actually able to finish it. Keep him around, because even though he struggles with the concepts, he’s trying, and he always helps you too when he can.

5. The Hottie
Ah, the old class crush. Everyone’s got one. The Hottie may overlap with Clueless Guy, Group of Fraternity Guys, or if you’re really lucky, with Kid Who Does Know Shit.

6. The Kiss Ass
Everyone knows this person, and everyone hates them. Sure, they’re just trying to do well in the class, no one can hate on someone for trying to get that A, but the way they go about it is just the worst. The Kiss Ass is the person who makes you feel like you don’t know anything right before the test, and tries to teach you some kind of song or some shit to remember your electron configurations 3 minutes before a quiz, making you forget everything you just learned. If you ask them for help they’ll half-ass help you, so I wouldn’t rely on them.

7. The Senior
This is especially true if it’s a lower-level core class. The senior is literally just trying to graduate, and probably has gone up to the professor and said, “Hey man, I just need to pass this so I can graduate on time”, and that one phrase has and will get them out of pretty much any shit they get into. They’re just here so they won’t get fined.

8. The Trainwreck
This is the girl, or guy, who shows up maybe once a week, usually hungover. If you see them out at the bar, they’re a great time. But while you may trust them to buy you a shot at the bar, don’t trust their academic advice.

9. The Kid Who Doesn’t Know Shit
This person, often masquerading as the Kiss Ass, acts like they have a PhD in whatever subject you’re in . But if you go ask them a question or for help on an assignment, you realize that for as confidently as they may answer you, they’re completely wrong. Every time. Taking advice from them is worse than not studying, since instead of just knowing nothing, you know the wrong shit.

Which one are you?

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PlattyBlonde is a senior who divides her time responsibly between cheap alcohol, bad boys, and worrying about her hair.

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