A Definitive Ranking Of The Best College Drinking Events

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1. Thirsty Thursday
Hands down the most reckless night of the weekend. By Thursday you are OVER school and OVER work and you just really need to get drunk. You’ve been sober for four days and that’s about three too many. You go into the night in prime mode (well fed, sober, and you slept for a decent amount of time all week). That being said, you can’t mess with the hype of starting the weekend, the hype of getting laid, and the absolutely remarkable drink special that you can actually afford to get wasted off of.

2. Frat Party
They take place in basements that you wouldn’t keep prisoners of war in. They have questionable smells, questionable people, and EVERYTHING seems to be wet or moist. The music is so loud you can’t even hear your conscience telling you you’re about to make horrible mistakes, and there are strobe lights capable of initiating seizures. When you find the booze, your options tend to be watered down beer or alcohol that closely resembles nail polish remover, and best of luck finding a cup that hasn’t already been on the floor. Freshman and sophomore years these are AMAZING. Girls get to get drunk for free, there is a sea of boys wanting to dance, and you don’t know enough people to know you just made out with three guys who are actually roommates. Guys get to drink for free (thanks for paying my dues, Mom) and every girl loves the guys who “have better alcohol upstairs.” They hang out along the basement wall just looking for the girl who seems the most DTF. By junior and senior year, you’ve discovered the bar and realize you’re capable of still getting really drunk WITHOUT having to drink rubbing alcohol and get groped by boys and girls young enough to land you in jail.

3. Day Party
Ah, the day party. While the weather is still warm and the sun is shining, Greeks gather in any grassy area they can find and drink while standing in small groups talking. Music blasts from some student-DJ trying to make a name for himself, and a few people will start playing drinking games if anyone happens to have a folding table that isn’t broken. Here, girls get to wear short shorts, sundresses, and the most fashionable sunglasses that work as a shied to hide how drunk they REALLY are (magic, I know). Guys get to wear their sport jerseys and, uhhhh, admire the girls in their sundresses. Day parties have successes and drawbacks. Pros: dress cute, take decent pictures because it’s light out, possibly get a tan, be outside (read: a break from Netflix), and someone ALWAYS has a puppy. Cons: you get so drunk during the day that you’re sober, hungover, or sleepy by 5 p.m. and you have no shot of going out that night.

4. Formal
“Getting dressed up to get messed up” is actually one of the most accurate themes ever. There’s almost no difference between this drinking event and many others, except that you dress significantly classier. You trade in your crop top and mini skirt for a dress, which probably has a low cut top and cut outs, but still–it’s classier. You find, beg, or scrounge up a date worth spending the $40 on and hope he’s worth it. Before formal, you pregame with a bunch of couples (but first, you pregame the pregame with your girls so nothing is awkward) and then, of course, you binge drink on the bus. This leads to potential mass casualties when every individual almost has a bladder explosion on the bus ride there. Unlike any other Greek drinking event, formals involve having to be out. In public. Like, real public with adults and children. This is when you really realize how reckless you and your friends are, and how ashamed society really is of us, and why were stay on campus where the only adults we get judged by are our bartenders. Cue standards attempting to hold the chaos together (may the odds be in your favor). Don’t let the dress or suit and tie fool you; there is no class at these events.

5. Bar Night
Exclusivity, exclusivity, exclusivity. If it’s your bar night, you feel like Kesha. You get to walk in fiercely, knowing every other girl there, and knowing whose toes you can or can’t step on to get the boy you want. If you’re a senior, you have the honor of getting the younger girls you like drinks on the side, and as an underclassmen, you look eager and friendly, hoping someone older offers to get you a vodka cran. Because you feel so comfortable knowing so many people and having so many bad influences in your corner, you tend to get SIGNIFICANTLY more drunk. Whoops. You spend the night with plenty of friends to talk to, plenty of guys to dabble with, and nine out of 10 times, you also have class the next morning that you’ll 100 percent miss. If it is a fraternity bar night, you also go into the night prepared. If you’ve been talking to a specific guy, you can guarantee he’ll be there and that you’ll have a chance to let him see you (but never approach first, duh). Based on the fraternity and its popularity, you can also go into the night knowing how many hot guys will be there and which ones you’ve had your eye on (thankfully, your non-21 interests can be there as well for you cougars). Big con: we don’t play nice with others, and unfortunately other females are allowed to linger there as well. Especially underage girls (referred to as biddies, because they wear no clothes, can’t hold their alcohol, and speak like they have an IQ incapable of getting into college).

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No one can quite figure out how huggy_hahn managed to make it into a sorority: she prefers lax pinney's and boat shoes to ribbons and pearls. When she doesn't have one arm glued to the bar on Nickel Night she can be found watching her Huskies win dual National Championships. G&T and keep em comin'.

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