I don’t know exactly what brought this on, maybe a drunk screening of Holiday in the Sun, but I have fallen down the rabbit hole, deep deep into MK&A film history. I creeped on them now, and it looks like they’re both dating old dudes. Bummer. BUT that doesn’t mean I can’t still appreciate the hot dudes they used to shamelessly feature in every single film. Without further ado, here is the definitive ranking of Mary-Kate and Ashley movie hotties.
Disclaimer: I’m not including the endless parade of pre-1999 guys who I thought were just to die for at the time, because looking at them now they are so damn young and I feel gross.
8) Avery – Our Lips Are Sealed
Avery was one of the original MK&A love interests to inspire the breaking-the-4th-wall aside, “I know, I know, but he’s so cute,” which is really just iconic tbh. Every gal can relate to being attracted to a guy who’s a little weird or too intense, or too something, but overlooking it because he’s a hot piece. He’d be higher on the list, but I can’t get over that spiky hair thing he’s got going on that used to make me swoon in middle school. Bonus points for that Aussie accent tho.
7) Jordan – Holiday in the Sun
So basically Jordan is just a townie who inexplicably lives and works in the Bahamas with no parents?? His major appeal is being the king of all dates, like taking her in the shark tank?? A+ move there. His main contribution is adding girl-on-girl conflict, enter Brianna Wallace, of the Wallace department store Wallaces. She gets what she wants, and this winter break, she wants Jordan. Could have cracked top 3 with a better tan.
6) Pete – Our Lips Are Sealed
Again, never realized how young this kid was until I watched the movie again. Pete, while the scrawnier companion to Avery, had some fire comebacks against Victoria and her posse. Love me a man with some wit. He’s also less aggressively into surfing than Avery; passion is cool, but you’re 13 dude, calm down.
5) Jim – New York Minute
First off, I have to admit that I am intensely biased in favor of everyone named Jim. Jim Halpert, cute Jim in my class, I just love Jims. This one is no exception, just look at that face, he looks like Aussie Pete, but grown up. Somehow he made being a bike messenger look hot, and I’m about it. He can give me a package anytime.
4) Brian – Winning London
He’s goofy, he’s a quarterback, and he gets really invested in model UN rescue missions. Pretty sure he was also a recipient of “I know, I know, but he’s so cute.” Kissing in an air duct has never looked so romantic. He’s a classic puppy dog boy (brown hair, brown eyes, you’re welcome) with a heart of gold, and he always keeps his pinkies up when drinking tea. It just goes to show that girls can also make their way out of the friend zone. All it takes is a mock kidnapping!
3) Trey – New York Minute
Why his name has to be Trey is beyond me, and it would bump him down a few spots if he wasn’t so presh. He’s tall, he’s adorable, and he runs all over New York to find a girl who broke into his hotel room. That’s commitment right there.
2) Griffin – Holiday in the Sun
I’m fucking giggling just writing about this kid. I love Griffin, and he could have tied for first, but that’s dumb, there has to be a top hottie. Sorry Griff. Besides tolerating his weird AF little sister, helping the twins break international law and risk serious jail time, and setting up the girl he loves with another dude because he just wants her to be happy, he’s also a tall, tan, drink of water with an actual brain. Loses points for liking bugs, but I guess he could kill them for me.
1) James – Winning London
Dude, lord, whatever. James is the ultimate MK&A hottie, he has literally every single criteria of their classic love interests. He goes to Eton without being as stuffy as his teammates, who he will throw under the bus to go make sure Mary-Kate isn’t just wandering around London solo. Classic. If James reciting Shakespeare didn’t get you fired up, nothing will. Am I biased in favor of the Brits? Absolutely, who doesn’t love a good London accent. And polo players are arguably some of the hottest athletes around, and way underrated. I’d fly off Neverland any day with James, shit, I’d even be Wendy. .