Miley has unleashed her new “album” onto the world today, and even better, it’s for free. While I appreciate the kind gesture, there’s a reason it’s free, and it’s not just a passive aggressive dig at Taylor Swift. Remember when Miley killed this cover of “Jolene”? Pure, raw talent.
Remember “Bangerz,” the entire album of back to back hits? We got “We Can’t Stop,” we got “Wrecking Ball,” we got “Do My Thang.” The list goes on. To put it kindly, the notion of paying for “Miley Cyrus & Her Dead Petz” is offensive after she set the bar so high in the past.
This new “album” features 23 — which is probably a nod to better times — tracks that sound like they were produced on Garage Band in a basement while high off LSD, then at the last minute slapped a few “Mike Will Made Its” onto it. Which honestly, may not be too far off.
This is the track Miley debuted at the VMAs, and so graciously created a weird porn-y music video for. It had the potential to be a much better song than what it is. It’s the perfect song to play at a creepy strobe light party.
Not entirely sure who Karen is, but I can fux with this song. If you were making an indie movie for the Sundance Film Festival, this song would for sure be on the soundtrack. A solid, chill song.
Going with the theme of the album title, this song is a ballad of mourning over Miley’s former husky Floyd. If you struggle through to the end of this song, mad props.
I think what bothers me the most about the song is the ambiguity of the title due to a case of the missing comma. Is she singing about some astronaut hunk, and referring to him as a space dude, or is she telling one of her bros, there’s “Something About Space, Dude”? Infuriating.
Perhaps a song about the mysterious “Space Dude?” This song is perfect for any former girlfriend or wife of an astronaut.
This is fifty seconds of Miley eloquently repeating “fucked up.” Fifty seconds of your life you’ll never get back.
Huzzah! A good song! This is a super emotional, and real song we can all relate to about getting over an ex. In my heart, I really hope this song is about Liam Hemsworth. Engaged Miley mems. <3
Miley being Miley and singing about being freaky in bed. Good tune to add to your getting freaky playlist.
No comment on this one. Weird af.
A very Lana Del Rey inspired track. If you like Lana, you’ll like this song.
Pretty sure this song was written about a sexual encounter during a bad trip. Pretty much sounds like you’d expect. Catchy bass line, though.
The forty-six second sequel to “Fuckin Fucked Up.”
A millennial anthem about putting up with cheating fuck boys. Includes the super quotable lyrics, “life’s a bunch of texts and we’re doin’ our best.”
A really great song about the fear of never getting over someone. I really hope this one is about Liam’s abs and perfect smile.
Had this been released in the ’80s, John Hughes would’ve used this song for a scene where the two star-crossed lovers are falling in love.
Perfect song for moody twenty-somethings trying to “find themselves.”
Pretty boring, and beyond slow.
The hippie version of “YOLO.”
Miley released this song awhile back including a tearful performance about her dead blowfish. You can watch it here.
If you don’t mind a song without lyrics, this song is alright. It’s just Miley humming along to a moody melody.
This song has a really catchy piano accompaniment that is very similar to “The Climb.” If you need to let out a good cry, this is the song for you.
My recommendation is not to waste your time, and just listen “Party In The USA” on repeat instead..
Image via YouTube