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A Breakdown Of The Hated Group Project

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What’s worse than doing a project for school? Coordinating six social schedules and monitoring the progress of a shitty group project that absolutely no one gives a single fuck about. That’s worse.

The group project should be eliminated from all school curriculums because it does not, in fact, “prepare you for the real world.” I have yet to encounter a person who enjoys group projects, and I definitely don’t know anyone who has ever done his or her “fair” (and I mean that in the loosest possible way) share of work. Let me be the first person to honestly say how a group project usually goes down.

First, some overachiever who is probably too hopped up on Adderall or espresso volunteers to be the group leader. The rest of the crowd is already super uncomfortable, because they are paired with people they normally wouldn’t speak to in a million years. Let’s not forget that in this situation, they can’t hide under their iPhone security blankets, either. Group members are forced to look into the eyes of their partners, who sit 5 feet away–no members have physically ever acknowledged each others’ presence before now.

There is always someone who thinks a friendship is going to form from the group project. Sorry buddy, but I’m all set in the friends department. In fact, I don’t want to be your friend so much that after we finish this project, I’m going to avoid you like the plague if I see you on the quad. Save yourself the trouble and skip me when it comes time to invite people to your cover band’s performance at a hipster coffee shop. I’m all good, thanks.

God forbid the group has to meet OUTSIDE of class. Do you want to know what I’m doing when I’m not in class? Sleeping. Or eating. Or drinking. Literally those are the only things I could possibly be doing. When I email the group and say, “Hey, sorry, can’t meet today. I’ve got my internship/my grandma is sick/I’m washing my hair,” chances are, it’s the biggest lie ever. I just don’t want to put on real clothes, get off the couch, and do group work that could absolutely be done over email or in a Google doc.

The finished product is always a sloppily pulled together PowerPoint or something like that, and no one gives a shit about it. Yeah, I’m talking to you, Adderall boy. Not even you.

The worst thing about group projects? Apart from everything else I’ve already discussed, there’s always someone who doesn’t care and mass emails the group at midnight the day before the project is due. That person is usually me. Why would I invest any of my time in a project that another person is already doing? Of course, I do my part and don’t half-ass anything. I whole-ass it. I just do NOT care in the slightest how your day went or how your sister is feeling, so save the uncomfortable small talk for another member of the group.

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BlingleWhiteFemale

BlingleWhiteFemale (@BlingleWhiteFem) is a single blonde female who spends her days campaigning for First Lady. She is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move.

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