It’s that time again. You’re thinking about changing up your hairstyle. Dramatically altering your appearance is a big deal, and you can’t just go to the hairdresser and let her have free reign over your beautiful head. A lot of careful deliberation is involved and it usually goes like this.
Step 1: Spend about three to four weeks in front of the mirror deciding you no longer love what your hair is doing.
Step 2: Obsess compulsively, throughout every moment of the day, about how much you hate your highlights, or how badly you need more layers because your hair just totally lacks movement.
Step 3: Officially decide it’s time for a change.
Step 4: Spend hours of each day stalking your own Facebook and trying to decide what your favorite hairstyle was. Did you peak when you were blonde in high school? Is super dark the way to go? Should you get bangs?
Step 5: Text all of your friends asking for opinions. Like, literally, all of them.
Step 6: Upload a picture onto a virtual makeover site to try on different hair cuts and colors.
Step 7: Realize virtual makeovers never look realistic, but continue to try on different looks because it’s fun.
Step 8: Update your Facebook status, taking a poll of whether or not you should dye or cut your hair.
Step 9: Turn to Twitter. Nobody can tell you better than those who can say “Blonde” or “Cut it!” in less than 140 characters.
Step 10: Call your mom.
Step 11: Decide your mom’s an idiot, and spend another few days asking everyone else what they think.
Step 12: Analyze everyone’s responses and realize that the majority vote has dictated that you should, in fact, go blonde.
Step 13: Debate whether you can handle this big of a change.
Step 14: Google image search every celebrity whose hair you might like.
Step 15: Become increasingly annoyed with your boyfriend when he tells you rude things such as, “Do whatever makes you happy,” and “You’ll look great either way.” What a dick.
Step 16: Come to terms with the fact that you’re ready for a change, and decide you are going to go with dramatic highlights and layers.
Step 17: Make an appointment with your hair stylist.
Step 18: Have conflicting feelings of anxiety and excitement as your appointment nears. Have a mini-freakout to everyone you know, all of whom confirm that you will look great.
Step 19: Finally, get to the hair salon and say “Ok, do what you think will look best.”
Step 20: Take an embarrassing number of selfies, and post the best picture of your new haircut to social media and watch as the compliments pour in.