I don’t know about you, but it drives me up the wall when I see sorority girls depicted in movies. Granted, there are a few exceptions to this *cough* Legally Blonde *cough* where characters in sororities don’t make me want cringe at what TV and movie producers think me and the wonderful, badass women I associate with are like. Why can’t they realize that we aren’t all the spacey, bitchy, and superficial characters they think exemplify us?
The founders of sororities best reflect my definition of a badass woman. Not only did they attend college, a very rare occurrence in their time, but they also created organizations that have lasted over a century and have changed the lives of hundreds of thousands of women. As members of sororities, we’ve already started following in their footsteps. We went to college and joined a sorority because we are ambitious, independent, know how to have a good time, and strive for excellence in our lives and the future. We hold ourselves to a higher standard than most, and it’s about damn time the entertainment industry started to feature female characters that are just as awesome, intelligent, and pretty as we are. Well, they’ve already gotten the pretty part right, at least.
These past few years have been incredible for strong, badass female characters, all of whom I believe should have been or could have been part of the Greek system. Here’s a list of my favorites who I think represent successful sorority women better than what we’re currently getting and how they would’ve fit into any chapter across the county.
April Ludgate – Parks and Recreation
As “The Girl You Want Sitting Next To You During Chapter”
April Ludgate’s biting sarcasm makes her the funniest employee in the Parks and Recreation Department of Pawnee, Indiana, mostly because her victims don’t even realize she’s fucking with them. April is hilarious, but if she were in your sorority, you wouldn’t put her in the front during a recruitment door chant. Not everyone can pull off the whole “cheerleader on speed” routine! Though she wouldn’t be the biggest help during recruitment, she would be a huge part of the chapter. She could make any of your sisters laugh and make any boy cry, which would make you and your sisters laugh even more. Above all, her greatest strength as a sister would be her ability to make even the most boring or trivial chapter a riot with one snide remark or sarcastic question. The chapter president wouldn’t always be amused by her behavior, but everyone else would love it. Everything is more fun when you have something to smile about.
Maya – Zero Dark Thirty
As “The Girl With Killer Intuition”
Maya, based on a real CIA agent, is the ultimate example of how women’s intuition is a powerful tool. That’s right, we all owe the location and execution of Osama bin Laden to the determination and gut instincts of this fabulous woman. If Maya decided to join a sorority back in her college days, she would’ve been a girl you wanted to keep around. That guy you almost dated who probably would’ve cheated on you and left you broken hearted with an STD or two? She would’ve talked you out of it after getting a bad feeling when you introduced them. Remember that party that got busted by the cops, leaving every underage person there with an MIP? Y’all would’ve probably left 5 minutes before the po-po showed up when she had an inkling something was about to happen. Not only would Maya make a great friend, she also would have a knack for keeping you and your sisters out of trouble.
Detective Olivia Benson – Law and Order: SVU
As “The Kickass Caretaker”
Nothing brightens my Sunday morning hangovers like a USA marathon of SVU. Sure, Stabler was pretty hot, but I always love watching Detective Benson lock up the rapists and convince victims to testify in court. If Olivia were a sorority girl, she definitely would’ve been the one who looks out for everyone. She’s beautiful, tough as nails, and definitely the girl you would want in your going out group. If a creep grabbed her ass at a bar, she wouldn’t go running to her fratdaddy for help. She’d put him in his place and maybe throw a punch or two, and you better believe she’d do that and more if he tried to grope one of her sisters.
Leslie Knope – Parks and Recreation
As “The Serial E-Boarder”
Leslie Knope, City Councilwoman and Deputy Director of the Parks and Recreation Department of Pawnee, Indiana is already POTUS, or at least she is in her head. This girl has some big dreams, and the ambition and work ethic to make them a reality. If Leslie were in your chapter, she would obviously be chapter president. Nobody would even bother running against her since she would’ve already been the Academic Excellence Chair, Sisterhood Chair, VP of Philanthropy, and Treasurer before her second semester as a junior. Having this much responsibility since freshman year would never phase her, and her proclivity towards overachieving would make her an asset the chapter couldn’t fathom living without.
Gwen Stacy – The Amazing Spiderman
As “The Brainiac”
Gwen Stacy is the only character on this list that is technically still in high school, so I’ll just go ahead and put her into the PNM file. Gwen is definitely more low-key than most of the girls at her school, which is probably one of the reasons she originally caught Peter Parker’s eye. Don’t mistake her for a wallflower, though. She has a feisty personality and is probably the smartest kid at her high school, landing her a highly coveted internship at Oscorp. Most comic book girls fall into the “Damsel In Distress” category, but Gwen uses her smarts to save the day, all while looking mega fine in a short skirt and cute boots. If Gwen Stacy were in your sorority, she would definitely be boosting the chapter GPA and landing the kinds of internships people would kill for. Despite her success, she would still manage to let loose and have some fun, at your insistence of course.
Robin Scherbatsky – How I Met Your Mother
As “The Guy’s Girl”
Robin really can’t help that she’s a guy’s girl. Her father was desperately seeking a son and after winding up with a daughter, he raised her as a boy and even named her Robin Charles Scherbatsky, Jr., after himself of course. Instead of playing with dolls growing up, Robin was at the shooting range, hunting, camping, playing hockey and drinking whiskey. It’s no surprise she’s a tough cookie. After a brief stint as a teen pop star, she eventually got in touch with her feminine side and blossomed into Barney Stinson’s dream girl. Some girls might judge her for having mostly male friends, but it’s not her fault that her interests lie more in single malt scotches and fine cigars than gossip and sharing feelings. Above all, Robin is smart as a whip and incredibly ambitious in her career as a journalist. If Robin were in your sorority, she would be your ultimate resource for formal dates or potential hook ups. She’s naturally inclined to have a ton of guy friends, so she’d be more than willing to help a sister out with a set up. Her real strength as a friend would come in the form of boy advice. After being raised as a boy, she has a pretty good grasp on how the male brain works and could help you shed the light on whatever confusing behavior your fratstar is throwing at you that week.
Olivia Pope – Scandal
As “The Girl You Can Trust With Your Life”
When the Chief of State is letting you in on his secrets, you know you’re one trustworthy lady. As the owner of her own crisis management firm, she makes sure that the scandals that go down on Pennsylvania Ave stay under lock and key. She may be tight lipped, but she’s not a tight ass. She works hard, but plays harder and can get any guy she wants. In fact, in the most recent episode of Scandal, her favorite food group was described in one word: wine. If Olivia were in your sorority, she definitely wouldn’t be the kind of girl who says, “Oh don’t worry!! I’m not going to tell anybody” only to go and tell everyone in her inner circle. She would take sisterhood seriously and strive to uphold what your chapter defines as sisterly behavior. Even if she were not a best friend of a sister who spills to her, she would be fiercely loyal and never tell a soul. She’s definitely the kind of sister you would want by your side for your highest highs as well as your lowest lows. Oh and did I mention she can rage?
Alicia Florrick – The Good Wife
As “The Girl Who Has It All”
Alicia Florrick has brains, beauty, ambition, a sense of humor, and a drinking tolerance. She is truly a woman who lacks nothing. After having some issues with her gubernatorial candidate husband (looks like Mr. Big married someone who thought more about school than about shoes), she went back into the work force at a prominent Chicago defense firm. A top graduate from Georgetown Law, she uses her smarts and real world savvy to win cases and make partner in a few short years. She doesn’t take shit from anyone, and she does work both at the office and at home with her kids that she can be extremely proud of. If Alicia were in your sorority, she’d definitely be the one most likely to succeed. She could network her ass off and have the grades to back it up. But don’t let her ambition fool you into thinking she wouldn’t be a blast to go out with. She can knock back tequila shots like it’s nobody’s business.