The 21st century has brought with it many great advancements in technology. Artificial hearts, cars that run on electricity, clean energy, and of course the front-facing camera! Since it’s introduction in 2003, the front-facing camera has been doing noble work by making people seem way more attractive than they actually are. Despite being an advocate for an occasional, tasteful selfie (and posting a few here and there myself) there are a few poses that I could go without ever seeing on my timeline again. Ever.
1. The Gym Selfie
Because if you don’t post a picture of your sweaty, disgusting self, did you really go to the gym? I don’t understand the appeal in this. After a good workout, I usually look like a cross between a newborn baby and a second-degree burn victim. Not to mention, I’m severely lacking in the sexy spandex athletic tops department (last year’s Bid Day tank works just as well in my opinion).
2. The Obviously Edited Selfie
Filters are fine. Cropping is fine. I can even deal with a blemish-removing tool used here and there, because, hey, I’m female. I get that one period pimple right on the tip of my nose like clockwork each month, too. But, I get a little skeptical when your eyes are so bright that they look like they came straight out of a children’s cartoon. Also, when it comes to airbrushing, less is more–and by “less,” I mean none.
3. The “No Filter!!!1!” But Still Obviously Edited Selfie
This is number two’s slightly more offensive cousin. Like I said before, I have no quarrel with filters. But do you just expect me to believe that the lighting in that bathroom had exactly the same effect on your picture as the Valencia Instagram filter? Yeah, sure. And as for truly filter-less selfies, do you need to justify what you really look like with a #nofilter?
4.The In Bed With My Boyfriend Selfie
Just trust me on this one. Nobody thinks it’s cute. In fact, your boyfriend probably only agreed to take it with you because you just got done doing the dirty and he was too tired to argue.
5. The Bikini Selfie
These pictures don’t bother me as much as the comments made on them. Ladies, if you’re going to post a picture of yourself sporting nothing but waterproof lingerie, don’t be surprised when you get a few thirsty boys slobbering over you (and guys, newsflash, you aren’t scoring any points with her by commenting “nice ass” on her pictures).
6. The Duck Lips Selfie
Luckily this one has been fading out of style, but circa 2012, it was almost impossible to access any social media without being greeted by someone flaunting her dick-sucking lips.
7. The Pulling At My Waistband Selfie
This one goes out to all the guys. Contrary to popular belief, nobody on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram wants to see your twig and berries. Plus, what about all the other guys who follow you? Do you really want them seeing the top of your man bush? Come on fellas..