Remember being in middle school and writing your name in cursive with the last name of that cute guy who sits across from you in English? You knew it would never work out but you just wanted to see what your name would look like if it did. It turns out we never stop doing that. We might not scribble our first name next to his last name, but we think about it. We think about what our life would be like if this guy was The One. What our wedding would be like, what our kids would look like, what our future life would hold together. Most of the time — okay, 99.9 percent of the time — it doesn’t work out. Shocker, right? Every guy you date will probably, in all likelihood, end up being your ex. Every guy except one.
Don’t get discouraged, because having exes is a good thing. It means you’re finding out what you like in a person and what you absolutely cannot tolerate. These are the guys you’ll date, spend a few weeks planning out your entire lives, and then release back into the dating pool. You won’t be with these types of guys forever, but they have their advantages.
The Older Guy
This guy is 3-5 years older than you are, and while you might think that that makes him mature and wise, you couldn’t be more wrong. Age matters less and less as you get older, but a 24-year-old guy doesn’t start dating a 19-year-old girl because he’s ready to settle down. This guy is as immature as they come. In comparison to you and the drunken idiots you surround yourself with, he might seem like a breath of fresh air. He has a real job, he drinks beer other than Natty Light and his clothes aren’t wrinkled or covered in stains. Talk about an upgrade. But he’s nothing more than a grown-up who is trying to relive his glory days. You’ll date him because you’re “soooo over” all the obnoxious frat boys you normally hang out with. You’ll break up when you realize your lives aren’t anywhere close to being on the same page, or when he finds a younger girl who can better stroke his ego.
The Good On Paper Guy
This guy is almost too good to be true. He ticks every box — non-smoker, average height and weight, comes from a good family, pre-Something That Makes A Lot Of Money, treats you well, etc. You couldn’t dream of a more perfect guy, except for one thing: he’s boring. There’s nothing of substance there. Sure, your parents love him and all your friends are insanely jealous of you. But you don’t really like him, you like his resume. He passes the written test but miserably fails the oral exam. You can’t fuck a resume, and no matter how badly you want things to work with this guy so that you can finally achieve your lifelong dream of being a stay-at-home mom in a gated community, you’ll eventually let this one go after you realize you find wet paint more interesting than him.
The Greek God
He’s the king of Greek Row, he’s in the best fraternity, and he’s the life of the party. He’s the epitome of college, which is exactly why this relationship won’t go farther than that. This guy peaked in college, and will spend the rest of his life getting way too drunk at weddings and talking about how great things were when he was in a fraternity. And it was great. This guy did college right. You’ll want to be with him during the most fun five years of his life, but after he walks across that stage it’ll be all downhill from there. Get out before it’s too late.
The Who’s Too Hot For You
This guy might look like an actual Greek god, but he doesn’t necessarily have to be in a fraternity. He’s just smoking hot. He has that perfectly chiseled body and a jaw that can cut glass. He might have an accent or piercing blue eyes. He’s so hot that it literally makes you uncomfortable. And the sex? Mind-blowing. Out of this world. Incredible. You have an orgasm just by looking at him. You feel like a troll standing next to this hunk. He might have a body sent from heaven above, but on the inside, he’s full of hot air. Guys that hot can’t be smart. It’s just science. They might be nice to look at, but the attraction only goes skin deep. You’ll date him for awhile, but ultimately end things after he says he’s voting for Trump.
The Guy You Try To Fix
He doesn’t know what he wants out of life. He’s the guy who’s almost perfect, and who you try your hardest to make him that perfect guy. Your friends tell you all the time that he’s never going to change, but you don’t listen. You think you could be the one to get him out of this funk. Maybe his last girlfriend really screwed him up, maybe he’s in the middle of a sudden life transition, or maybe he’s just lost. This guy might be the hardest guy to let go of because he’s so close to being everything you ever wanted, but he’s just not. He can’t be, no matter how hard you want him to. It becomes too much work to maintain the relationship, so you’ll eventually dump him after wasting too much time.
The Asshole Guy
In the words of Justin Beiber, “[your] momma don’t like [him] and she likes everyone.” This guy is bad news. He doesn’t care about your feelings whatsoever. He’s rude, abrasive, and you’re constantly wondering what you see in him. Everything is always about what he wants. He only wants to hang out on his terms, with his friends, at his place. He doesn’t care about getting to know your friends or even you. He might show his sweet side occasionally, and that’s what keeps you coming back for more. This kind of guy marries a doormat who he can easily push around, and you’re no doormat. You’ll dump him in six months and get over him in a week.
The Guy Who Likes You More Than You Like Him
This is something every girl needs to experience at least once. This guy thinks you’re a living, breathing goddess. He’s obsessed with you, but not in a creepy stalker way. He thinks you’re the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen, and when he says that you know he means it. He treats you like a princess, but eventually you get bored or you realize that as time goes by, he likes you more and more and you don’t feel the same way. This guy is important because he helps you see for yourself how you deserve to be treated. The guy you marry should worship the ground you walk on, but you should also want to treat him the same way..