1. Netflix Men-Picks
Imagine this. You’re binging on your favorite show on Netflix when your seventh consecutive episode comes to a close. A black screen pops up, but instead of the typical, “Are you still watching _____,” it asks, “Would you like to continue watching this horrible show with a semi-attractive local man, who just happens to be several episodes deep in the exact same series? It then provides a phone number and photo of the guy, who is just attractive enough to snuggle but not so hot that you have to put on makeup or change out of your drawstring sweats and hoodie.
2. Drink Sync
Sick of your guy making you stomach his favorite shitty beer when you’d rather be drunk off your own favorite drink? Life’s a bitch when you can’t share a bottle with your guy. Find men in your area who share the same fav drink as you, and are willing to share, provided you stick around when the bottle is gone. Fair warning that about 70% are most likely lying, because guys would pretend they like horse piss to get in your pants, but whatever. Upgrade to premium to find out how much he can stomach without puking.
3. I Already Have A Cooler And I Wont Ask You To Make One
Pretty self-explanatory. Not currently accepting new members, as they reached female capacity five hours after launching.
4. Geek Meet
Dedicated to the social nerds out there, who hold similar interests but have lives outside of embarrassing sci-fi obsessions. Candidates may be interested in a series similar in theme but not limited to: Harry Potter, Star Trek, Game of Thrones, The Hobbit, Lord of the Rings, The Hunger Games, or Star Wars. Candidates must have thriving sex lives and may not live in their parents’ basement.
5. Puppy Love
A dating sight that only features men who own puppies, categorized and cross referenced by breed of dog and ranking of man. Examples of candidate profiles:
• “Fitness instructor and father to four-month-old pitbull. Slight Napolean complex, hence the pitbull.”
• “Unemployed stoner seeks toking companion to accompany one-year-old basset hound, Snoop Dogg. Both are slightly overweight, but willing to share.”
• “Momma’s boy with great dane. Overly critical, just like his mother. Good job, great hair.”
6. Tattoos R Us
For the girls who like bad boys, but don’t want to end up with a guy who snorts cocaine on a regular basis and has probably knifed someone at some point. Tattoos are pictured, not excluding those that A) include names of ex-girlfriends and B) are located in and around the phallic region. Disclaimer: full background check required. Those with teardrop tattoos and/or weaponry are deemed too scary to feature.
7. Frat Rats Meet
For the girls whose vaginas for some reason only yearn for boys affiliated with a specific fraternity. Longing for a Lambda? Admire ATOs? Pursuing a Pi Kapp? They’ll pair you with a guy for free, costing only your dignity and the possibility of being future sweetheart. Candidate profiles include GPA and honest estimate of exactly how many of your sisters they’ve slept with..