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53 Thoughts You’ll Have While Moving

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  1. I can’t wait to move out of this hell hole. My new apartment rocks.
  2. Moving won’t be too bad.
  3. If I start a few days early, I’ll have time to go at my own pace and sort through things.
  4. It’s not like I have that much stuff, I’m basically organized.
  5. I’ll put on some music, have some wine, wear a scrunchy, and pretend I’m in a ’90s rom-com because, like, why the hell not?
  6. I’m awesome.
  7. I have so many clothes I can sell!
  8. I bet I’ll make so much money at Plato’s Closet.
  9. Whoa. Why do I have a pair of size 0 shorts? Have I ever worn size 0 shorts?
  10. Are they even mine? They can’t be mine. They’re mine?
  11. I should try them on. Maybe I actually am a size 0.
  12. How do they not go past my knees?
  13. DO I HAVE FAT KNEES?
  14. Sorry, I like to actually eat now.
  15. Fuck you, 2010 version of me.
  16. Whatever.
  17. I’ll just take all my clothes with me. Maybe I’ll actually start going to spin class and will be able to fit into a size 0 again.
  18. It’s, like, clothes motivation.
  19. How do I have so many papers everywhere?
  20. I didn’t even know there was a desk under all of this shit.
  21. Oh, look, a love letter from my high school boyfriend.
  22. HA. YOU WON’T ALWAYS LOVE ME. YOU LIED.
  23. I wonder how he’s doing.
  24. I should check Facebook…
  25. I will complete every single step found here now that I’m on Facebook.
  26. I’m throwing away everything I find that’s related to him.
  27. Actually, I’ll put it in a box so I can burn it…
  28. …or just look through it the next time I’m drunk and need a good cry.
  29. Do I bring all my crafted canvases with me?
  30. What if the girl who wanted to be my big comes over for a wine night and doesn’t see the crudely painted letters she made for me and gets upset?
  31. Ugh, this is stressful.
  32. I deserve a break.
  33. I’ll just finish tomorrow.
  34. I have plenty of time.
  35. Despite the fact that I have to turn in my keys today, I think I’ll watch “Gossip Girl” for a while.
  36. Who knew Chuck was so hot? Why didn’t anyone tell me this?
  37. Whoever invented packing was obviously a horrible person.
  38. YOU HAVE TO TAPE UP THE BOTTOM OF THE BOXES? WHY DOESN’T IT SAY THAT ON THE BOX?
  39. It’s too fucking hot for this.
  40. I should have spent $200 and hired movers.
  41. Do NOT say “at least you’re getting a workout.”
  42. I pay $40 a month to get a workout in an air conditioned gym full of televisions, hot men, and free, low-carb snacks.
  43. I’m bad at Tetris, so therefore piling everything into my fun-sized car is actually impossible.
  44. This is why I need a boyfriend.
  45. I bet Zac Efron would carry these boxes down the stairs for me.
  46. Who knew sweat could continuously run from your neck to your ass crack?
  47. I don’t even want this heavy family heirloom. It’s going on Craigslist.
  48. “Oh, hey there, sexy new neighbor. No, I don’t always look like a smelly, frazzled, German boy. Please come back after I’ve showered and drunk enough wine to forget that we met this way.”
  49. So, now that I put everything in boxes, walked them down way too many flights of stairs, and put all the boxes in my car, I have to take them all out of my car and carry them up even more flights of stairs only to take all of my stuff out of the boxes?
  50. This is the actual worst.
  51. I’m never fucking moving again.
  52. Well, until my 12-month lease is up and I think to myself, “I can’t wait to move out of this hell hole. My new apartment rocks.”
  53. Moving won’t be too bad.

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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