Why did you like that girl’s Instagram picture?
Do you think she’s prettier than I am?
No, but really?
Is the stuff you watch in porn actually something you’d want?
If you did watch porn–but you don’t, right?
You’ve never gotten a lap dance, have you?
Do you remember what I was wearing the first time we made out?
When you go out with the guys, can you just, like, not make eye contact with any females?
Actually, can you just not leave the house, ever?
You don’t still think about your ex, do you?
What do you think you’ll do at your bachelor party?
Please delete every girl you’ve ever hooked up with, kissed, or shared a conversation with on social media.
Actually, can you just delete all of the girls? It’ll be easier.
How come I’m not in your profile picture?
Did you ever hook up with that girl you just said hi to?
Why the fuck did that girl just hug you? Do you like her or something?
You didn’t text me back right away because…?
If we had a threesome, you wouldn’t leave me for the other girl, would you?
Can you tell me I look pretty and that you’ll stay with me forever every hour on the hour?
Are your boners always for me or…?
Would you love me more if I had bigger boobs?
Your ex had bigger boobs. Is that, like, something you miss?
No, you like my personality right? She had a shitty personality, didn’t she?
What did that tweet mean? #Seriously
You realize I can see the Instagram pictures you like, right?
When are you thinking about getting married?
More specifically, when are you thinking about marrying me?
If I got pregnant, you’d help me raise the baby, right?
What would we name it?
Do you think my hair looks sexy pushed back?
Between Kate Upton and me, you’d pick me–right?
Can we just live together and cuddle but, like, only have sex when I want it, and also have you not cheat on me?
Are you mad at me?
Like, at all?
Do you still talk to girls you hooked up with?
Yeah, you need to stop that. Like, now.
I DON’T CARE IF THEY’RE YOUR FRIENDS.
I SHOULD BE YOUR ONLY FRIEND.
Why didn’t you get me a present for our three month anniversary?
Do you not love me?
If we were in “The Notebook,” would you be Noah or Lon? GO!
Why do you have a passcode on your phone?
No, I get it but, like, are you hiding something?
You got a text. Who’s it from?
Does you mom like me?
Did you mom like your ex more? Like, at all?
Who’s in your group project? Are there any girls in it? Are they pretty?
Why are you still friends with your ex on Facebook?
Who’s fucking hair is this?
You don’t think I’m crazy, do you?
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