It’s the most wonderful time of the year. No, not Christmas — formal season. After a hazardous winter of spring break dieting, big/little crafting, and lying about enhancing the prosperity of your career prospects to extended family over Easter dinner (“Yeah, the internship is going great! They have me photocopying AND filing receipts now, so I’ll definitely be interviewing celebrities soon!”), it’s finally time to kick back in a gorgeous dress with your best girls and toast another year survived. If the only thing missing from your picture perfect evening is a picture perfect date, have no fear because help is here. Whether your intended escort turned out to be a jerk or legitimately cannot attend, keep your chin up and remind yourself that any dude is lucky to be your plus one.
While they may complain about how many photos you take or times the DJ plays Cash Cash’s “Take Me Home,” guys low-key love such sorority functions. Whether your formal is in a month or tomorrow night, you’re a freshly minted single or simply ready for change, leaving Greek row in the search for your date is a total power move. There’s nothing like an exciting spring fling to shake up your life a little, so listen up and go get ‘em. As you go forth, here are five ideal specimens to look out for in the jungle that is your college campus.
1. The Athlete
Having been somewhat of a cleat chaser in my heyday, the underestimated potential of boys in uniform absolutely boggles my mind. Athletes are an excellent choice for those who have no time to fret over petty details. They make the best dates because they’re just excited to chug something other than protein powder for once. You can bet your favorite flask that this guy will arrive with an endorphin-fueled smile and some tight-fitting pants, eager to see how the other side lives. Make a move now, ladies, before he’s off to summer training camp.
2. The Foreign Exchange Student
Elusive, romantic, and handsome, this is the ideal candidate if you’re using formal to make your ex-boyfriend jealous. Foreign guys always make the best dancers, so make sure to wear your most comfortable six-inch heels because you’ll be hitting up the dance floor all night long. While your friends will be babysitting their dates who drank too much, you’ll be the star of the formal. Everyone’s eyes will be on you and that tall, dark, and handsome man swinging you around the dance floor like Cinderella. Given his worldly ways, he’ll probably give you a red rose and whisk you away on his motorcycle like the 21st century Disney princess you are.
3. The Transfer
Having no shady record of shenanigans with your sorority sisters, the transfer is bright-eyed and ready to shower you with affection. You’ll be his tour guide to everything that matters on your campuses’ hallowed grounds, beginning with an invite to your chapter’s swanky soiree. He’ll dote on you all evening while peppering in continuous reminders that you are soooooo much better than the girls at his old school. He has zero expectations going into it, so even if your formal is a complete shit show, he’ll still have a great time.
4. The Tutor
Beneath those glasses is a seriously hot mind that will singlehandedly save you should you fall into peril, be it one too many drinks or tantrum over a pizza order gone wrong. The tutor is comfortable in his own skin and an engaging conversationalist, so you don’t need to worry about him following you like a puppy all night long. He enjoys playing the nice guy and befriending all the dudes that roll in alone while making sure your little heart gets whatever it desires. Wake up and smell the coffee, ladies – the tutor is prime boyfriend material!
5. The Bartender
He doesn’t need letters because he’s in charge of pouring drinks for the guys wearing them. If knowledge is power, then the bartender is the guy in control. The bartender knows everything from who gets sloppy to who’s scheming together, but he always keeps his cool despite access to unprecedented levels of gossip. Every chick over 21 in town is a familiar face to him, yet he only has eyes (and free drinks) for you. Look the Bartender in the eyes and give him a real chance — he might just surprise you. Or, at the very least, he’ll be a great hookup buddy..