46 Things Every Uncoordinated Girl Can Relate To


  1. Heels are your worst nightmare.
  2. Even on sober occasions.
  3. Yes, you’ve slipped in the winter, while wearing snow boots, because life.
  4. Your phone has been cracked since the day you got it.
  5. Half of your drink ends up on you or someone else.
  6. Every. Damn. Time.
  7. Your friends tend to call you a liability due to how accident-prone you are.
  8. You have not only fallen down the stairs, but also up the stairs.
  9. White is always out of the question.
  10. You say sorry way more than the average human.
  11. And you also apologize to inanimate objects when you bump into them.
  12. Where are your keys or wallet? You’ll literally never know.
  13. So you’ve had to cancel at least five credit cards this year.
  14. You frequent the DMV more than anyone you know and have suggested a loyalty program.
  15. You’ve burnt yourself making toast.
  16. And you could probably find a way to injure yourself while pouring a bowl of cereal.
  17. Sports or activities that involve coordination are out of the question.
  18. LOL at any games involving balls.
  19. You can’t take a shower without getting shampoo, soap, or regret in your eyes.
  20. You avoid the gym at high traffic times because you look like Bambi on the treadmill.
  21. Escalators terrify you.
  22. High fives and handshakes give you actual anxiety attacks.
  23. Look at the elbow? Make eye contact? How do you do both?!
  24. You should legally be required to have the highest medical insurance coverage available.
  25. The first thing you do when waking up from a night out is checking to see what new bruises and scrapes you have acquired.
  26. “This is why you can’t have nice things” is a text you receive on the reg.
  27. And unfortunately, it’s so true.
  28. Your toes are numb from stubbing them so many times.
  29. People don’t lend you clothes because they know something will happen to them.
  30. The woman at the dry cleaners knows you by name.
  31. And yes, she dreads what kind of miracle work she has to do on your poor clothes.
  32. You have lit your hair on fire.
  33. Maybe more than once.
  34. You have the most awkward bedroom stories.
  35. And you’ve actually given up on ever being sexy. Ever.
  36. There are stains on your sheets that you can’t explain.
  37. You are always late because something unfortunate will happen 30 seconds before you need to be out the door.
  38. You’ve burnt yourself with a curling iron that has resulted in a wound that was identical to a hickey.
  39. Right before an important event or interview, of course.
  40. So you try to make it clear that you’re not a slut.
  41. Which is something a total slut would do.
  42. Waking up with bumps on your head is a very common occurrence.
  43. Curbs are out to get you.
  44. You’ve been to the hospital more times than you’re proud to admit.
  45. And “Never have I ever been to a hospital in Mexico” gets you out of the game every time.
  46. But on the plus side, little to nothing phases you anymore. You know what they say: What doesn’t kill you, gives you bruises, hilarious stories, and a fear of nothing.

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Just a smart blonde keeping her standards as high as her red bottomed heels. Go big or go home.

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