42 Thoughts You Have While Doing The Walk Of Shame

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  1. What is life?
  2. The. Struggle. Is. So. Real.
  3. I can’t believe I’m doing this.
  4. Again.
  5. Someone please take these stilettos out of my hands and stab me with them.
  6. I promise I won’t press charges.
  7. The sex wasn’t even that good.
  8. I didn’t even orgasm.
  9. Fuck, I really hope he used a condom.
  10. FUCK.
  11. I hate myself.
  12. But I hate him more.
  13. I wonder when he’ll text me.
  14. So many married couples nowadays start out as drunken hookups.
  15. NOT.
  16. He better text me if he wants a chance of seeing this shirt again.
  17. Or passing English lit, for that matter.
  18. I definitely left my underwear there.
  19. GREAT.
  20. AWESOME.
  21. COOL.
  22. Whatever, now I have an excuse to go back.
  23. Trickery is the only way to a man’s heart.
  24. #moderndayfeminism
  25. Is it possible to physically reek of shame? Because I think I do.
  26. Fuck you, Two-Dollar-Tuesdays.
  27. Oh, and fuck you, world.
  28. Where, oh where, did my dignity go? Where, oh where, could it beee?
  29. Superman dive into oncoming traffic, anyone?
  30. I’d probably be judged less for doing that than I am right now.
  31. You know what? No. Screw it–I have to start owning this moment.
  32. I’m following a long line of strong, beautiful, talented women who’ve made questionable life decisions.
  33. Like my big.
  34. And Amanda Bynes.
  35. Own It.
  36. Love It.
  38. Yeah, this isn’t working.
  39. Back to feeling like a second-rate hooker.
  40. I woke up…flawed.
  41. This must be what rock bottom feels like.
  42. But hey, at least I got laid last night.

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Drunk but not in love

(@DrunkNOTinLove) is a die-hard Splenda addict who requires a constant supply of caffeine and male attention to make it through the day. After graduating with her degree in Economics, she now focuses her energy on adding a "Home" to her degree title by perfecting the "intelligent drunk," and conning a banker into marrying her one day. Originally from New England, she is a hardcore Boston sports fan, but only when boys are around. Almost all of her calories consumed Thursday - Saturday (and the occasional Tuesday) are from $7 bottles of Yellowtail Moscato, and in no way, shape, or form is she fazed by this. All forms of hate mail and date party inquiries can be sent to

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