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42 Thoughts You Have While Attending The Dreaded Recruitment Workshop

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  1. Damn it.
  2. I haven’t worn makeup all summer. Now you expect me to have a full, painted face at 7 a.m.?
  3. Singing “Perfect Day” 15 times before the sun comes up does not, in fact, make it a perfect day.
  4. You pray the girl you’re practice rushing is a talker so you can take a nap with your eyes open.
  5. At least your feet go numb after the first hour.
  6. I don’t know half of the names of current sisters, so introductions can be extremely awkward.
  7. “Hi…have you met my sister…uh…her…?”
  8. Being late doesn’t count if you stopped at Dunkin’ first.
  9. When the mock-recruitment girls come in from another house and you’re SO happy you’re in your sorority.
  10. The moment you joke that you’ll tell a PNM you aren’t wearing underwear and suddenly it’s like you’re the devil. #WhiteDressProblems
  11. Somehow getting 100 girls to “step clap” at the same time is actually impossible.
  12. STEP CLAP. STEP CLAP. STEP FUCKING CLAP.
  13. “Jessie’s Girl,” “Brown Eyed Girl,” and “Girls Just Want To Have Fun” will never be the same.
  14. LOL at eating this week.
  15. Deodorant, Band-Aids, and Advil are essential.
  16. Listening to girls practice “Feels Like Home to Me” for pref night while trying (and failing) not to cry.
  17. That’s eggshell, not white.
  18. Your hair needs to be straightened with a straightening iron or curled with a curling iron.
  19. And it doesn’t matter if your hair is naturally straight or curly.
  20. Seriously.
  21. “Oh, my God! How was your summer! You look so pretty!” AKA: I hate you.
  22. “Hey, bitch. Give me some of your fucking coffee.” AKA: I love you.
  23. Don’t worry, after smiling for an hour straight, you lose the feeling in your face.
  24. Expect to cry at least daily. Waterproof mascara is a given.
  25. You somehow got the wrong shade of everything and have to re-buy all of your recruitment outfits.
  26. Finding out another house STOLE your opening song and declaring war on them for generations to come.
  27. God bless free tanning week.
  28. Can’t wait to take the edge off by drinking my body weight in vodka crans after this–oh wait, we’re dry.
  29. Or, if you’re one of the few houses #blessed enough to NOT be dry, you’re way too tired and sore to even consider going out.
  30. And if you DO go out, you are in for the most miserable experience of your life: being forced to sing, dance, and wear heels while hungover. On three hours of sleep, if you’re lucky.
  31. Good luck trying to actually get ready in the bathroom. Every in-house girl is taking a shower at the same time and every out-of-house girl just HAS to do her makeup in front of your sink.
  32. If men want to know what torture is, they should try wearing Spanx for 11 hours a day for two weeks.
  33. The amount of rules you have to learn for recruitment would make medical students cry.
  34. Don’t touch the PNMs.
  35. Don’t hug them unless they hug you.
  36. Don’t look out of the window.
  37. Don’t look at your watch.
  38. Don’t step out of the house.
  39. DON’T GIVE THEM AN ORAL BID.
  40. Basically don’t eat, don’t sleep, don’t complain, don’t clap off beat, don’t break the rules, don’t talk about other sororities, don’t creepily stare at PNMs, don’t talk about your cat too much, don’t use your phone, don’t try to leave early, don’t arrive late, don’t wear kitten heels, don’t look slutty, don’t dress like a prude, laugh at everything they say, don’t seem fake, act interested, don’t talk about boys, don’t give bids to awkward girls…and you’ll be fine.
  41. Be prepared for the best, worst time you’ll ever have in your college career with girls you missed all summer who you’ll be sick of after this week, to search for sisters you’ll love a lifetime.
  42. Summer’s almost over, ladies, so get those fake smiles ready. #SpiritWeek

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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