41 Thoughts You Have While Waiting For Your Hookup To Come Over

41 Thoughts You Have While Waiting For Your Hookup To Come Over

It’s somewhere between the hours of 1:00 and 3:00 AM. Your phone vibrates in the middle of your Netflix binge (or your sleep— it’s a toss-up). You know exactly who is texting you, and you know exactly what the text will read: “Hey, you up?”

You groggily reply, “Yeah. What’s up?”

What’s up is that you’re about get laid. You’ve done this song and dance before many times. Your mind begins to race, and your brain is suddenly flooded by a tsunami of thoughts.

  1. Alright, he’s on his way. Cool.
  2. I should put on some sexy lingerie to spice it up tonight.
  3. Actually, that’s too much effort.
  4. I’ll just stay in my boy shorts and t-shirt.
  5. I hope he’s sober enough to get it up.
  6. Because he wasn’t last time that was a mess.
  7. I hope he’s coherent enough to remember tonight at all.
  8. And doesn’t try to put it where he knows it doesn’t belong.
  9. I wonder if we’ll get some food after we’ve done the deed.
  10. I haven’t waxed since football season…
  11. Oh well, he’s not my boyfriend, so it doesn’t matter.
  12. But out of common courtesy for next time, I should do something about that.
  13. Maybe a matching set would be nice to put on, to make up for not taking care of myself downstairs.
  14. My bed is far too comfortable to get out of though.
  15. Alright, it’s been twenty minutes, where is he?
  16. I hope I have enough condoms.
  17. How many rounds will we go tonight?
  18. I’m ready to be tossed around a little.
  19. By a little, I mean a lot.
  20. That one time we hung out during the day was fun.
  21. We’ve come a long way since our first hookup.
  22. I’m so exhausted.
  23. I pray that I make it to my classes tomorrow.
  24. I wonder if he’ll notice that I’ve been working out.
  25. Even though it’s only been a week since I started going to the gym.
  26. Maybe I can sneakily steal his t-shirt and give him an old one I don’t wear anymore before he leaves.
  27. Speaking of leaving, it’s kinda nice when he actually spends the night.
  28. Why do I keep subjecting myself to these 3 AM booty calls?
  29. And to this fuckboy in general?
  30. Maybe I have low self-esteem.
  31. But truthfully, I wanna get it in, and the opportunity has arisen so I won’t say no.
  32. Ew, I probably have feelings for him.
  33. No, that’s crazy. Gross. I barely know him, aside from his penis.
  34. So casual sex it is, I guess.
  35. Maybe I could be the one to change him.
  36. I like the idea of that more than I actually like him.
  37. I’m seriously going to fall asleep.
  38. What if I lit a candle to help set the mood?
  39. Oh good, the “I’m here” text just popped up!
  40. Here goes nothing.
  41. Can’t wait to do this all over again this weekend.

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She's a fast food connoisseur with a weakness for making the worst decision whenever possible. Dancing on tables is her favorite workout, and she likes her martinis as cold and bitter as her heart.

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