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41 Things That Are Better Than Pre-Recruitment Work Week

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Let me preface this list by saying that recruitment is awesome. You meet tons of amazing girls, you get to show off how awesome your sorority is, and at the end of the week, some of those amazing girls get to become your sisters. It’s great. But anyone who has been through the period right before recruitment on the chapter side can attest that it’s no walk in the park. It’s filled with long days and longer nights, where you decide what you need to be doing every second of every day during recruitment in order to convince the most perfect PNMs that they need to be in your chapter. At first, it’s fun to see all your sisters after summer break, but the excitement quickly fades away with the screams of your recruitment counselor yelling, “SING LOUDER!” and “SMILE BIGGER!” and “IF YOUR THIGHS AREN’T BURNING YOU AREN’T SQUATTING LOW ENOUGH!” By the third day, everyone is tired and the estrogen in the room is suddenly incredibly apparent and at least one girl has cried. There’s so much that needs to happen during this short period of time, and getting girls to sit down and shut up long enough to get it all done seems impossible. Here is a list of things that are better than work week, which I wrote when my recruitment leaders weren’t looking:

  1. Giving birth to a 12-pound baby.
  2. Going to the gynecologist.
  3. Middle school picture days.
  4. Having sex with a hot pocket.
  5. Being on a red-eye New York to L.A. flight while sitting next to quintuplet newborns who all have colds.
  6. Eating pizza without ranch.
  7. Wearing pants.
  8. Getting a Brazilian wax.
  9. Facebook relationship notifications.
  10. Having to pee during rush hour traffic.
  11. Wearing wet socks.
  12. Being on the VH1 show “Dating Naked.”
  13. Being on any reality TV show.
  14. Teach your grandparents how to use technology. For the last time Nana, you don’t have to send “This is your Nana” with every text message. I know it’s you.
  15. Comcast. (I’ll admit, this one is a stretch.)
  16. Clubbing, and we all know clubbing sucks.
  17. Being around people who use Siri to text in public.
  18. Watching sex scenes in movies with your parents.
  19. Running into your ex on your walk of shame.
  20. Running a marathon.
  21. Watching competitive eating competitions.
  22. Putting together infinite amounts of IKEA furniture.
  23. Eat the gluten-free version of anything with the real thing sitting in front of you, staring at you, taunting you.
  24. Doing your laundry.
  25. Most movie sequels.
  26. Going to the beach on your period. Bloating + bathing suit = NOPE.
  27. Giving blowjobs.
  28. Chipotle burritos without guac. Does such a thing even exist?
  29. Putting on a full face of makeup and not going anywhere.
  30. Moving. You always underestimate the sheer amount of stuff you have and end up throwing random things in boxes in a completely unorganized fashion and turning in your keys five minutes before they’re late. Say buh-bye to that deposit, because you didn’t have time to clean shit, either.
  31. Getting dumped by a Post-it. Sorry, Carrie.
  32. Pulling up to Chick-fil-A on Sunday only to realize that it’s closed and you have to settle for Taco Bell or McDonald’s.
  33. Photo evidence of you dancing on tables while looking incredibly drunk and unsexy somehow making it on Facebook.
  34. Your mom/various family members commenting on said photo.
  35. Getting the “Are you still watching?” message during a Netflix binge, reaffirming the fact that you are a lazy bum because you ALWAYS click “Continue Playing.”
  36. Bathing suit season.
  37. Drinking decaf coffee.
  38. Candy Crush invites on Facebook.
  39. 5:30 a.m. spin class with a wine hangover.
  40. Reading Kim Kardashian’s new book of selfies for pleasure.
  41. Vacationing in Detroit.

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Cristina Montemayor

Cristina is a Grandex Writer and Content Manager. She was an intern for over two years before she graduated a semester early to write about college full time, which makes absolutely no sense. She regretfully considers herself a Carrie, but is first and foremost a Rory. She tends to draw strong reactions from people. They are occasionally positive. You can find her in a bar as you're bending down to tie your shoes, drinking Dos XX and drunk crying to Elton John. Email her: cristina@grandex.co (not .com).

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