39 Thoughts You Have When He Doesn’t Want To Have Sex

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Don’t get me wrong, men who like to wait are usually keepers (emphasis on the usually). I’m not necessarily encouraging all the promiscuous boys out there to skip out on slipping off their Budweiser pajama pants tonight–I’m just saying that if they don’t at least try to make a pass at you, there’s probably something wrong. And there’s a good chance it’s either you, him, or his dick–or so you think. Here is what will probably go through your mind the next time your newest love interest decides to abstain from coital interaction.

  1. Are you cheating on me?
  2. You’re definitely cheating on me.
  3. But with who?
  4. I bet it’s your skanky lab partner.
  5. I knew she was trouble.
  6. Like hell you were “studying for anatomy.”
  7. Just wait until I show her a real dissection.
  8. Maybe I’m just not pretty enough.
  9. Am I too pretty?
  10. Are my boobs too small?
  11. Is my butt too big?
  12. Is he secretly gay?
  13. Did I turn him gay?!
  14. Did he just drink too much?
  15. Maybe he didn’t have enough to drink.
  16. Is he nervous?
  17. But why would he be nervous?
  18. Am I too intimidating?
  19. Maybe he’s just being a gentleman.
  20. Or he hates me.
  21. Why is he even staying over?
  22. Does he just like to cuddle?
  23. Is he a slow mover?
  25. What if I take his virginity?
  26. I can’t do that!
  27. Or can I?
  28. Maybe he has a micropenis.
  29. I need to know these things.
  30. This is my whole life we’re talking about.
  31. My future!
  32. Does penis size really matter, though?
  33. Not if he can work it, I guess.
  34. But I’m never going to find out.
  35. Maybe he’s just terrible at sex.
  36. That’s it.
  37. My life is over.
  38. Wait–was that a boob grab?
  39. It’s about damn time!

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premed donna

Who said you can't be smart and funny? When I'm not writing for TSM, you can find me studying into oblivion, downing a bottle of chardonnay, and/or sobbing for reasons I have yet to understand. All hate fan mail can be sent to

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