39 Things I Wish I Had Known Before My Freshman Year Of College

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  1. You will lose touch with some of your friends from high school. That is okay.
  2. Who you are at eighteen is not who you were at sixteen and it is most certainly not who you will be at twenty.
  3. Your major will change. Many times.
  4. Go to class. Seriously. Go.
  5. …Unless you’re hungover. Throwing up in your purse is not worth a set of notes you can steal from Blackboard, anyway.
  6. Don’t hook up with a boy who lives on your floor.
  7. Buy more underwear than you ever thought you would need.
  8. Wearing a bathing suit bottom under jeans because you haven’t done laundry in three weeks is not a good look.
  9. Eat a salad with every meal at the dining hall. The freshman 15 is real. And it is scary.
  10. Keep a supply of Easy Mac and Lean Cuisines in your room at all times. There’s nothing worse than getting home from a night of drinking and realizing that it’s too late for delivery.
  11. Your RA is there to help you. She’s also there to get you in trouble. Watch your back.
  12. Major in something that will make you happy. If you like what you’re doing, you’ll do it well.
  13. Take your birth control.
  14. Make him wear a condom.
  15. Get Plan B if you need it.
  16. Join clubs. Be social. Do things outside of your comfort zone.
  17. Your roommate will get pissed if you have loud, drunken sex at 2am.
  18. Apologize when you inevitably do this.
  19. Borrowing clothes and makeup is a benefit of living with other girls. If you want your shit returned, return theirs.
  20. Puff, puff, pass.
  21. You are not supposed to get along with everyone. You are, however, supposed to be pleasant.
  22. If you don’t think you can pass the class: withdraw. A “W” looks a whole lot better than an “F.”
  23. Not everyone is meant to be a doctor.
  24. Not everyone is meant to marry a doctor.
  25. Photo document your fun times. Just remember that what goes on the internet, stays on the internet.
  26. Buy as many mattress pads as your parents will allow. You don’t know discomfort until you sleep on a ten-year-old extra long twin mattress.
  27. Flip flops in the shower. Always.
  28. All-nighters become difficult around 2am and impossible around 5am.
  29. It’s only a Walk of Shame if you’re embarrassed.
  30. Your sorority does not define you.
  31. Gatorade. Advil. Coffee. Repeat.
  32. Answer your parents’ texts. They worry.
  33. Squirrel showers: showering without washing your hair. You will become an expert.
  34. The last $20 in your bank account is sacred. And sacred money should only be spent on the cheapest, most disgusting vodka.
  35. Older boys want one thing and one thing only.
  36. “Ring by Spring” is not something to aspire to. Set your sights on a job.
  37. Don’t wait until the night before to write your first college paper. Wait at least until your second college paper to do that.
  38. A nap between day drinking and night drinking will quite literally save your life.
  39. You’re too young for regrets. Live in the moment. Make mistakes. Learn your lessons.

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Catie Warren

From Rush To Rehab (@catie__warren) is a semi-fuctioning adult who has been celebrating her 21st birthday for the past three years. She attended college in the nation’s capital and to this day is angry that Pit Bull lied to her, as you cannot, in fact, party on The White House lawn. Prior to her success with TSM, Rehab was most famous for being featured in her hometown newspaper regarding her 5th grade Science Fair Project for which she did not place. In her spare time, she enjoys attributing famous historical quotes to Marilyn Monroe and getting in fights with thirteen year olds on twitter. Email:

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