34 Reasons Greeks And Guidos Are Exactly The Same

Greeks and Guids.

  1. Whether it’s animal print or Lilly Pulitzer, we’re both obsessed with patterns that can objectively only be described as tacky.
  2. Most people hate our accents, but we purposely put them on thicker anyway, because we think they’re attractive.
  3. The women feel an inherent need to feed the men.
  4. And to keep our homes spotless.
  5. We feel naked without a good tan.
  6. Some of the men’s fashion choices are absolutely absurd.
  7. #Selfie was written about members of both groups.
  8. “I’m the sweetest bitch you’ll ever meet.”
  9. House music gets us going.
  10. You’ll find the guys rocking no sleeves, and the girls being more attracted to them for it.
  11. Family over everything.
  12. In no other American cultures do the men care about their shoes just as much as the women.
  13. Foreign and southern grandfathers tend to be politically incorrect.
  14. Foreign and southern grandmothers tend to wonder why the hell you’re not married yet.
  15. Big. Hair.
  16. We regularly describe the guy we’re into as “such a fucking asshole,” because, well, he is.
  17. Our tolerance is impossibly high as is our love for partying.
  18. The fact that we pull is a point of pride.
  19. We take pride in our ability to walk in heels…and more pride in the fact that we know we look damn good in them.
  20. The entire population consistently hates us, and we take that to mean we’re elite.
  21. We’re offended by people who leave the house without makeup.
  22. Our mothers are the most nurturing women we know, but we can all agree that they’re batshit crazy.
  23. Terms like “low-maintenance” or “down to Earth” are insulting to us.
  24. We feel most comfortable dancing when we’re on elevated surfaces.
  25. Hell hath no fury like a sorority girl…or a guidette scorned.
  26. Our relationships with our fathers are only rivaled by our relationship with their credit cards.
  27. Whether it’s a blow-out or a frat swoop, our boys take pride in their ridiculous haircuts.
  28. We have a tendency to overdress.
  29. Blacking out is not an accident. It’s a goal.
  30. The women are judgey as shit, because they legitimately believe it’s only slutty if someone else does it.
  31. We’re a bunch of brand whores. Different brands, but brand whores.
  32. Our guys would be humiliated if we tried to pay for our own drinks while they were there.
  33. We both have an inexplicable obsession with the ‘80s despite never having lived during them.
  34. Despite our hedonistic lifestyles, we feel we have a moral high ground because we never miss church.

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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at

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