33 Things A Sorority Girl Would Do If She Won The Lottery


We’ve all thought about what we’d do if we won the lottery tonight. I mean, becoming a billionaire isn’t easy. There’s a lot of planning to do once you win. That’s why I’ve compiled this list of everything I would (and you should) do if the massive winnings happen to fall upon one of our pathetic bank accounts. May the odds be ever in our favor.

  1. Pay someone to make the sickest recruitment video ever in the history of drones.
  2. Hire professional actors and comedians to perform all recruitment skits.
  3. Take the new members on an all-expenses-paid vacation as a Bid Day surprise.
  4. Set up a trust fund for chapter events (AKA booze and drunchies but nationals can’t know that).
  5. Pay off all my sisters’ standards fines for the rest of time.
  6. Might as well pay off their student loans while I’m at it.
  7. Buy a small, private island for exclusive spring break “sisterhood events.”
  8. Hell, why not buy a cruise ship that will take us to the island, too?
  9. Build the biggest, most beautiful sorority house the world has ever seen.
  10. And hire a male model as the house butler.
  11. And make him wear nothing but a thong and bow tie at all times.
  12. Buy round trip tickets for my little and me to visit her favorite city for her birthday.
  13. Continue to spoil her with presents as usual, except with more diamonds.
  14. Pay a world-renowned artist to make me a new cooler.
  15. Donate a million dollars to my chapter’s philanthropy—every year for the rest of my life.
  16. Donate to a bunch of other charities (and coincidently cure every problem known to man).
  17. Buy so many shoes that I never have to worry about them getting ruined when I go out.
  18. Hookers and cocaine.
  19. Just kidding, you guys. But if it ever happened, at least I’d have money for rehab.
  20. Pay Mindy Kaling to be my best friend for a day. (Obviously, we will be BFFs afterward, without even paying her.)
  21. Create my own fitness line with the Kardashians.
  22. Get trained by the Kardashians’ trainer.
  23. Pay someone to do my eyebrows like Kim’s. Every. Single. Day.
  24. Bascially, become a Kardashian.
  25. Buy my own helicopter and personal pilot to fly my date and me to formal.
  26. And show up wearing Marilyn Monroe’s very own “Happy Birthday” dress.
  27. Did I mention my date is Liam Hemsworth?
  28. Buy a different mansion for every month of the year.
  29. And have a hot tub and waterfall shower installed in every bathroom.
  30. Promise my parents I’ll never ask for money again, and buy them a multimillion dollar retirement home as a thank you for putting up with me for all those years.
  31. Marry the guy I’m with because he “loved me before the money,” but also get a prenup because I’m not dumb.
  32. Buy a cat sanctuary just in case it doesn’t work out and I end up alone forever.
  33. Switch my major to finance because, like, I know nothing about what to do with this money.

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premed donna

Who said you can't be smart and funny? When I'm not writing for TSM, you can find me studying into oblivion, downing a bottle of chardonnay, and/or sobbing for reasons I have yet to understand. All hate fan mail can be sent to

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