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32 Signs You’re An Old Lady Trapped In A Young Person’s Body

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  1. You have a compulsive urge to wrap cardigans around girls at the bar who are showing more than one of the three Bs (boobs, butt, belly).
  2. You hosted a dressy dinner party to celebrate your twenty-first birthday.
  3. You only play Top 40 music when someone else is in your car.
  4. You actually enjoy jazz, big band, swing, and Motown music.
  5. You can tell the difference between Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby.
  6. You’ve seen “Singing in the Rain” more times than you’ve seen “Mean Girls.”
  7. NPR is one of your set radio stations.
  8. You have no qualms with being in charge in a group setting with people your own age.
  9. You appreciate it when someone calls you “ma’am.”
  10. You’ve referred to people your own age as “kids these days.”
  11. Even as a child of the ‘90s, you found Britney, Lindsay, and Hilary to be downright infantile.
  12. As far as you’re concerned, One Direction is either north, south, east, or west.
  13. You think Justin Beiber is a little punk who needs to learn some respect.
  14. You google the lyrics to rap songs because you have no idea what they’re saying.
  15. You must then refer to Urban Dictionary to decipher the majority of those lyrics.
  16. You can admit that if not for Urban Dictionary, you would be pretty much clueless about most slang.
  17. You’ve never related to the song “Forever Young.”
  18. You find men your own age less than appealing.
  19. You can freely admit that some nights, you’d genuinely prefer to stay home in your comfy jammies and watch “Golden Girls” than go out to bars.
  20. Sometimes you feel like the only one who notices just how incredibly dirty and loud bars can be.
  21. You give wise, sagacious advice.
  22. You use words like “sagacious.”
  23. Ever since freshman year, your friends have come to you when they need advice or feel homesick.
  24. You’ve likely been a member of a book club at some point.
  25. You’ve pondered taking up knitting.
  26. When a friend needs to know if an outfit is “appropriate,” she asks you first.
  27. You’re over wearing heels every time you go out.
  28. Older guys hit on you, then get really freaked out when they find out you’re still in college.
  29. TomorrowWorld and Bonnaroo sound like your idea of hell.
  30. As does anyplace where it’s loud and crowded and there’s nowhere to sit.
  31. The Viking River Cruise commercials excite you.
  32. You’re ready for dinner by 5 p.m.

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