Fraternity men: God’s greatest gifts to women. Besides our sisters, wine, and glitter. As wonderful as these men can be, far too often you’ll come across a potential suitor who doesn’t exactly meet your high expectations. Unfortunately, there is a whole slew of fraternity men who sadly, are not fratdaddy material, let alone boyfriend material. Normally, if a guy has just a few quirks, you can easily play “flip that boyfriend” and transform him into someone you’d actually want to date, but still, there are a few that you should steer clear of no matter what.
The Exchange Student
He has a British accent. It’s all he needs. You are immediately smitten and eager to get him out of his britches in hopes that his tongue work feels as fancy as it sounds. Your conversation is playful and flirty as you imitate his accent in whatever poor attempt you can muster…and then he melts your heart when he tells you that listening to your voice reminds him of home. You think you’ve hit the jack pot: a Brit who actually wants to talk to you.
Your shitty English accent brought a tear to his eye because he’s so homesick? Really? This should have sent up a few red flags. 1 – He was going to cry? Are you the crying Bama fan? 2 – He’s a mama’s boy. Or a “mum’s” boy. Puke. 3 – Do you seriously think he just came up with this? It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to figure out that girls go weak in the knees for an accent. This is nothing more than a line he’s perfected to get yet another American girl to his “sleeping chambers.” So if you’re willing to let him down your “trousers” in exchange for a few eloquently spoken sweet nothings, be my guest, but I’d advise you against it.
The Chapter Lover
He’s been to about 90% of your sorority’s events… and always with a different sister. There’s always a battle over who he’ll buy his philanthropy ticket from. His name is mentioned at your bi-monthly PC gossip sesh more than that legacy who refuses to disaffiliate. It’s not quite clear if he keeps going after your sisters, or if they keep going after him, but it continues to happen and no one really seems too concerned. He is the chapter lover, and now he’s coming after you.
In the past, you never understood why all your sisters loved him, but now that it’s you he fancies, it’s become all too clear. He’s funny, attractive, sweet while maintaining an edge, and above all, unbearably charming. This guy is the perfect con man and knows exactly how to manipulate any girl into doing exactly what he wants, and apparently what he wants this time around, is to check off another picture on the composite… your picture. It is possible to break the cycle, so try to break it. There’s no reason to get sucked into the already-overwhelming amount of drama he’s caused your sisters. On to the next one.
The Über Religious Guy
On paper, he seems perfect. He’s pre-something, smart, old money, powerful (he’s on his fraternity’s e-board anyway), chivalrous, old money, super hot, and did I mention old money? He’s scoring perfect tens across the board, and he didn’t even try to drunkenly make out with you upon meeting. He’s your knight-in-shining-armor; it seems all of your dreams have finally come true… until he texts you and asks you to go church with him the next morning. This is the first sign that you have before you a rare and frightening breed of fraternity man: the overly religious guy.
Disclaimer: there is nothing wrong with having faith; I love a guy who cares about his moral and religious values, just not to this extreme. You ignore his church request and brush it off as something he only said because it seemed like a good idea during the transition from drunk to hungover. It wasn’t. There are some guys in fraternities who put their religion above everything else and to this I say…bah-bye Bible boy. Perhaps his incessant preaching would be more tolerable if you shared the same faith, but being told you’re going to hell isn’t normally at the top of your to-do list. Nor is the judgement for the occasional drink or sexy ensemble. I thought only God can judge? God and sorority girls, that is. Not to mention, his love for Jesus is probably a pretty good indication that you’ll never be…fully satisfied with Mr. Holy. You assumed “waiting til marriage” was a joke. Apparently not. Oh well. Later, virgin.