29 Things Only Girls With Thick Hair Will Understand

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  1. One hair tie is never enough. Ever. Unless it’s the same size and consistency of a tire. In that case, you might be okay.
  2. Pretty hair barrettes can hold approximately 1/100 of your hair.
  3. You can use claw clips for one thing and one thing only: a half up, half down. The thought of one holding all of your hair in an updo is simply laughable.
  4. Your shower drain clogs weekly.
  5. Bobby. Pins. Everywhere.
  6. You know those adorable hair ties that double as bracelets? Yeah. You can’t use those.
  7. Air drying = your hair will be dry in approximately 18 to 23 hours.
  8. Your brush looks like a Muppet.
  9. Getting your hair dyed or cut is double the price of someone with the normal, human amount of hair.
  10. Asking someone for a hair tie and being handed a thin, flimsy one is your worst nightmare.
  11. High ponytails hurt.
  12. Actually. No. All ponytails hurt.
  13. You’ve gotten a sore neck from an updo.
  14. Forgetting to vacuum or mop leads to hairballs the size of mice.
  15. Thin headbands are absolutely fucking pointless.
  16. Bed head is real. And it is scary.
  17. Don’t deny it: thick hair on your head means thick hair everywhere else…
  18. …meaning you’ve likely waxed your arms. Maybe your belly. Perhaps your back. It’s okay. This is a safe place.
  19. Essentially, hair exists where hair should never exist.
  20. Seriously. It’s a real fear that your children will resemble monkeys.
  21. Blow drying your hair is physically painful.
  22. No, really. It hurts. It’s also the only reason why your arms are even slightly toned.
  23. Sock buns turn you into Lady Gaga when she wore that stupid button on her head. You just look dumb.
  24. A shower with low water pressure means you’ll be done shampooing your hair tomorrow.
  25. Basically no hair accessory will hold your hair. Save for…nope, nothing. Nothing will hold it.
  26. Expensive conditioners be damned, “No More Tangles” is the only thing that will untangle that rat’s nest you call hair.
  27. LOL to short hair. Unless you want your hair to stick out sideways a la Pippi Longstocking, keep it shoulder length and longer.
  28. Humidity. It is not your friend.
  29. Where do all the hair ties go? Oh, that’s right, they break. That’s where they go.

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Catie Warren

From Rush To Rehab (@catie__warren) is a semi-fuctioning adult who has been celebrating her 21st birthday for the past three years. She attended college in the nation’s capital and to this day is angry that Pit Bull lied to her, as you cannot, in fact, party on The White House lawn. Prior to her success with TSM, Rehab was most famous for being featured in her hometown newspaper regarding her 5th grade Science Fair Project for which she did not place. In her spare time, she enjoys attributing famous historical quotes to Marilyn Monroe and getting in fights with thirteen year olds on twitter. Email:

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