Columns

28 Reasons Why You Should Just Quit Dating And Marry Your Best Friend

28 Reasons Why You Should Just Quit Dating And Marry Your Best Friend

  1. You’ll never fight over the remote control because “Keeping Up With the Kardashians,” “Sex and the City,” “The Golden Girls,” and the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, along with every episode of “The Hills” and “One Tree Hill” saved on the DVR, are just fine.
  2. You will double the size of your closet.
  3. Subsequently, you’ll always have an incentive to lose that extra five pounds.
  4. She understands starting the day with the determination to lose that extra five pounds…
  5. …then ending the day with chips and queso in bed.
  6. She understands when you’re PMSing and she knows not to make comments like, “I’ll be happy when you’re not so hormonal.”
  7. If you’re not already, you’ll become cycle sisters. There will always be chocolate and pints of ice cream whenever you need it.
  8. She won’t judge you for eating all of it in one night while watching “The Bachelor.”
  9. You already own all of the same beauty products.
  10. You’ll only need to buy one Cosmo each month.
  11. You can split the cost of tampons.
  12. You won’t have to change your monogram, meaning you won’t have to spend a fortune on new boots and pullovers.
  13. And, chances are, you both want a Range Rover.
  14. Think of all the money you could save.
  15. Don’t feel like shaving your legs? Cool.
  16. She won’t judge you for wearing the leggings with the holes in the crotch around the house because she values your comfort.
  17. There will always be batteries.
  18. She’ll implore you to bang that super hot guy and then report back with all the details in the morning.
  19. Also, does he have any cute friends?
  20. You can double date.
  21. Then you can laugh about the double date at brunch the next day while recovering from your hangover.
  22. After you become super successful and decide to finally produce the most beautiful, WASPy children of your Pinterest dreams, you’ll only need to find one perfect man, not two.
  23. And you can kick him to the curb when you’re done with him.
  24. You’ll be able to live the elusive wish that bestie dreams are made of and be pregnant at the same time.
  25. Spooning is a non-issue because over the years, you’ve learned to pile on top of each other after an entire bottle of wine and make it work.
  26. The only fight you’ll ever have will be about her two-hour bath conflicting with your two-hour bath.
  27. You’ll never have to explain to her “what’s so special” about Beyoncé because she’ll already know.
  28. And, best of all, she’ll never wake you up in the middle of the night for sex by sticking a peen in your back.

Email this to a friend

lnsayers

My state gave you J. Law, Clooney, two-fifths of the Backstreet Boys, and multiple fifths of bourbon. The SEC is better, Beyoncé is my Jesus, and one time I wrote a cover letter using Brian McKnight lyrics. Psuedo-adult by day; PGP, TFM, and TSM contributor by night. Please don't ask me to do math.

0 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account

For More Photos and Videos

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take TSM with you. Get

New Stories

Load More