- Hair that’s not on your head.
I want to take a razor (or even better, a laser) to any hair follicle below my eyebrows.
- When he tickles you and you tense up and he gets a fistful of your belly rolls.
Everyone has them, okay?! Even Kendall Jenner.
- Having a longer second toe.
*wears closed-toed shoes forever.*
- His hot sister.
Like, I know he’s not interested in her, but it’s just intimidating.
Are mine too big? Too small? Too pointy?
- The hair on the back of your thighs that grows in a million different directions and is consequently never smooth.
Don’t go back there. It’s not safe.
- Having long fingers.
It looks like I have alien hands.
- Having short fingers.
It looks like I have sausage hands
- The size of your head.
It’s too small. It’s too big. It’s too.. weird?
- Chipped nail polish.
No guy is going to fuck me with my toenail polish chipped like this. I wouldn’t even fuck me with my toenail polish looking like this.
- The way you eat.
Don’t look at me, don’t look at me, don’t look at me…
- Waking up with your mouth open.
It’s called a deviated septum, okay?
- Your knees.
I honestly think mine are a thousand times wrinklier than everyone else’s and it’s the reason I know I’m dying alone.
- Arm fat.
If I flap my arms fast enough I’m absolutely positive they can lift me off the ground.
- Split ends.
*finds one split end.* I am an ugly troll and I should probably shave my head.
- When you sneeze and that god awful sound comes out of your mouth.
I have never wanted to shrivel up and die more than when I sneeze in a quiet room.
- The redness around the corners of your nose.
It’s hormonal and annoying.
- Taking off your sunglasses and having those little rings around your nose where your foundation has rubbed off.
*rubs sides of my nose.* Is it still there? *rubs away more foundation.*
- Your bellybutton.
- Having large knuckles.
I should’ve listened to my mom and not started cracking my knuckles.
- Pooping in public.
There are only like four bathrooms in the world where I can do the deed.
- Your calves.
Are my calves actually man calves? I’d like to exchange them, please.
- Eating unhealthy food in front of skinny people.
I just can’t do it.
- The way you walk in heels.
Am I doing this right? Do I look like Kendall or like a six-year-old playing dress up?
- Your eye shape.
I hate it. I think I need a brow lift. And a face lift. And a new face.
- The length of your neck.
Is there even a plastic surgery procedure for that?
- Your vagina.
Literally everything about it. Is it normal? If it’s not, don’t tell me. I don’t even want to know.
Being a girl is so much fun! .