26 Thoughts You Have On Graduation Day

Graduation Thoughts

Graduation is the culmination of everything that you’ve worked so hard to achieve over the last four years. It signifies the ending and beginning of two very different chapters of your life. Some people will try to tell you that graduation isn’t all that important, that it’s just another day, same as anything else. Considering all the panic attacks, all-nighters, Adderall binges, research papers, and group projects I’ve had to subject myself to in order to earn my degree, I still think graduation is a Big. Fucking. Deal. And as with any big deal event, your mind is guaranteed to be a psycho stream of consciousness and an entire spectrum of emotions. I know what you all are thinking in preparation for your graduation because as I write this on the morning of my college graduation, I’m thinking the exact same thing. Let’s all panic together, shall we?

  1. I really should’ve gone with wedges for graduation. What if my heels get stuck in the grass and I trip and fall everywhere?
  2. Does my spray tan make me look too tan or just tan enough?
  3. I went with a sentimental graduation cap. I hope it’s not tacky.
  4. Oh my God, am I going to cry today? I completely forgot to buy waterproof mascara.
  5. Doesn’t pinching the bridge of your nose stave off the tears? Does this really work or am I just going to look like an asshole holding my nose with tears streaming down my face?
  6. I know the administration technically said popping champagne is prohibited, but is it like “frowned upon” prohibited or “withhold your diploma” prohibited?
  7. I really hope no one in my secondary and tertiary friend groups is wearing the same white dress as me.
  8. I can’t coordinate outfits with an entire pledge class of girls and I swear to God, if that bitch Alex has the same dress, there will be hell to pay.
  9. And speaking of my dress, are pearls the move or should I go with diamonds?
  10. I’m going to look back on these pictures forever, or at least the foreseeable future, and I really want everything to be perfect.
  11. I like to think I’ve accomplished all my goals here.
  12. Sure, I never did get a chance to fuck that hot Sig Ep boy, but that’s only because he’s been wifed up since day one.
  13. What the fuck is with that, anyway?
  14. But props to me to not trying to homewreck, even if it would complete my Bang List.
  15. And I mean, I’ll always get another shot at reunions to fuck him.
  16. But on the real, I’m like, expected to state a big girl job now and grow up.
  17. What if I don’t find a job?
  18. What if everything everyone told me is a lie and I’m unemployable?
  19. What if my parents just wasted quarter of a million dollars on a useless piece of paper for me?
  20. I’m straight up one bad thought away from a full blown panic attack.
  21. How early is too early to start drinking?
  22. I mean, I spent most of my collegiate career drunk. Doesn’t it make sense to graduate drunk?
  23. Honestly, I just can’t fucking believe I’m graduating.
  24. It kind of makes all the really shitty times worth it.
  25. And all the amazing memories that much better.
  26. In the wise words of Elle Woods, “Class of 2016, we did it!”

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Champagne Showers is a contributing writer for TSM. She is your typical Northern Diva. If curse words, sexual content, and drug use offend you, then bless your heart. CS will continue living the life you're too scared to live. email her at:

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