1. When a guy comes out of nowhere and starts grinding on you.
Oh, fun! A half-chub boner drawing shapes all over my ass.
2. When you think someone is saying hi to you from across the bar, when really they are talking to the person next to you.
I was actually waving to the person next to YOU. Ironic timing, huh?
3. Not being able to hear a word they just said.
Smile, nod, change the subject.
4. When they can’t hear a word you just said.
Why aren’t you responding? Did I say something offensive? Did you hear me? I’m just going to repeat myself.
5. When a guy comes up to you with two drinks in his hand, but neither of them are for you.
Oh, that’s fine. I wasn’t thirsty.
6. When there is no more toilet paper in the bathroom.
Drip dry it is…
7. When a guy who just bought you a drink sees you dancing with someone else.
I couldn’t find you! Maybe.
8. When you get into the bar, but your friend doesn’t.
Oh of course I’ll stay here with you when everyone we know is inside having fun. Damn you, sisterhood.
9. When someone asks if they can try a sip of your drink, and they chug half of it.
You, my friend, are a bitch.
10. Losing track of your friends and having to walk around the bar alone until you find them.
I swear, I didn’t come by myself.
11. A friend asking you to spot her for cover.
I’m sure I’ll see this money again.
12. Someone spilling a drink on you.
Vodka cran really isn’t my color. Bitch.
13. Having a creep hit on you when none of your sisters are around to save you.
*Looks out into the crowd* “What?! I’ll be right there, I can’t hear you!” So sorry buddy. My fake sister over there is in need.
14. When you black out and pictures of you from that night end up on Fail Friday.
That poor girl. Almost looks like me, but some bitch spilled a drink on me when I was wearing that outfit, so it’s probably someone else.
15. A song coming on that no one knows.
*Awkward eye contact.* This DJ sucks.
16. When there are old guys at the bar.
Do you think they’re cops or creeps?
17. Realizing you missed an online quiz due at midnight.
I need another drink. Right after I send this quick email to my TA.
18. When a guy you’ve met before comes up to you but you can’t remember his name.
19. Wiping out in front of everyone.
Great, bruises AND humiliation.
20. When you convince someone to do a chugging contest with you, and later find out they ended up in the hospital.
I should send them a gift basket.
21. Going straight to the bar from a themed mixer.
Buy me a drink? No? But I’m Wonder Woman!
22. When you are dancing with a guy who starts excessively fist pumping.
Are you seizing? Is there a fly you’re trying to swat away? Are you related to Pauly D.? Why….?
23. Mistaking someone for someone else.
What? I like hugging. Geez, you’re unfriendly.
24. When the bartender gives you the wrong drink.
I asked for a…Oh, this will still get me drunk? Ok, I’ll drink it anyway.
25. When the bar closes, and a guy thinks you’re going home with him.
Wait right here, I’ll be right back…