You’ve had the same profile picture since May 15, and now have urges to burn the dress you’re wearing in it every time you come across it in your closet.
“My little brother will sober drive me all summer since he’s not 21.” LOL. How’d that work out?
For some inexplicable reason, you stay up every night until 4am doing absolutely nothing. You have a favorite infomercial.
Every time you go out with someone from your hometown, you’re accused of suffering from alcoholism, but like, you don’t think “suffering” is the right word.
Talking about your sorority constantly is a lot less fun without your sisters.
As much as you hate standards, paying a fine isn’t as bad as what your parents will do to you when you get caught drinking.
You haven’t taken your birth control in 18 days and it hasn’t mattered.
Your tan seems to have reached its peak, so you might as well do your big reveal now.
Looking over your shoulder for ex-hookups at the bar is still better than looking over your shoulder for ex-boyfriends’ moms at the grocery store.
One time, you woke up for the day to the sound of your parents getting home from work.
Your closest friend at home is your 11-year-old sister. As it turns out, you don’t like the Disney channel as much as you thought you did.
The local chapter of your sorority is, well…different than yours is, and you’re tired of letting their reputation get in the way of your wardrobe. Who knew you legitimately didn’t own any t-shirts without letters on them?
Your heart aches for your little.
It’s becoming increasingly difficult to come up with a reason to wear something other than sweatpants.
No one seems to want to replace the lyrics to pop songs with better lyrics about your sorority.
Pregaming with your parents just isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
52 closets > one.
You’ve social media stalked at least 50% of your pledge class all the way back to their prom pictures because you miss them so much.
You considered driving an hour to see your nearest booty call.
Group messages are both the bane of your existence and what keeps you going.
Not a college bar? Not college bar prices.
You’ve already purchased a first day of school outfit, worn it, and purchased a new one. Three times.
At the end of the day, it all boils down to the fact that your best friends haven’t all been in the same place at the same time in months, and you really, really miss them.
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at email@example.com