22 Reasons You Need To Stop Sharing Listicles Right Now

22 Reasons You Need To Stop Sharing Listicles Right Now

  1. Yes, I remember the big moments on Full House, how creepy Furbys were, and how much Kel loved orange soda. I lived during the ’90s. I don’t need a constant reminder of how great they were.
  2. I don’t need to be reminded how old I’m getting. So, no, I will not read which movies are now 10 years old. Fuck off.
  3. Jennifer Lawrence is perfect. I get that. I don’t need to read “25 Times Jennifer Lawrence Proved She Was The Second Coming Of Jesus” to make me like her even more.
  4. Half of these lists refer to us as “millennials.” That should wave about 100 red flags in your head.
  5. There is no way you can rank the 5 best pixar movies of all time. It’s been scientifically proven that it is not possible.
  6. Or the 15 best lines from Mean Girls. All the lines are pure gold. Duh.
  7. Posting “25 Things Only White Girls From Pitman, New Jersey Will Understand” not only makes me scream, “I don’t give a fuck,” it also makes me seriously question your sanity.
  8. Each variation of “Wah. Boys don’t love me. Here are 20 reasons why” contradicts the last post. It’s also about as helpful to your love life as bringing your mother as a third wheel on dates.
  9. “34 Characters From TV and Film That We All Love” is a pretty steep assumption. Number one, I haven’t heard of half of these characters. Number two, it did NOT include Elliot Stabler or any of the Real Housewives, so thanks for building up my hopes for an utter letdown.
  10. 99% of these lists are created by people who have no authority in telling me “5 Ways To Have The Healthiest Nails Ever.” They’re written by some random girl who is bored with her Netflix selection, and decided to post something on the internet to make herself feel important.
  11. The obsession with Disney has gone from “kinda cute and funny” to “just fucking creepy.”
  12. They’re called “Listicles.” Why the FUCK would people willingly call their writing something that is literally one syllable away from testicles?!
  13. I don’t need to accomplish anything before I get engaged at twenty. WHO ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE GETTING ENGAGED AT TWENTY?
  14. You’re getting world news from a website that brought us “29 of the Most Important Chicken Fingers of All Time.” Just let that sink in.
  15. Every time you post a “Live Up Your Younger Years, But Don’t Kill Yourself Or Be A Huge Shitshow” piece, my faith in your intelligence dwindles. Different titles do not mean different content.
  16. I don’t want to read the 8, 15, or 36 ways to make 2014 the best year of my life. I’m graduating from college in 2014. It’s already a shitty year. Possibly the shittiest of my life, actually.
  17. “27 Kittens Who Just Can’t Handle It” makes no sense. What can’t they handle? Why do they have to handle it? Why is there a list in which kittens have to handle something?
  18. You don’t need 12 ways to know you went to an all-girls school. You only need one: the fact that you went there.
  19. Posting these “omg so true” and “OMG YES EXACTLY” lists proves exactly how unoriginal and ordinary you truly are. You’re posting a list with little to no original content, filled with overused jokes, images and memes. Congratulations.
  20. No matter how many ways you tell me what I need to do to live my twenties to the fullest, I will probably still end up doing what I know best: drinking, partying, and making decisions that I’ll never deem my “proudest moments.”
  21. Same goes for the things I need to accomplish by a certain age, the places I need to see, and the New Year’s resolutions I should be making.
  22. Listicles inspired this God-awful, shoot-my-fucking-brains-out commercial for K-Mart, and the term “gif-ing out” Ugh.

But, if you have to share one last listicle, let it be this one, because irony. I give you my permission.


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Hakuna Moscato

Hakuna Moscato (@HakunaMoscato) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move. and Post Grad Problems. A born and raised Maryland girl, she's obsessed with the Baltimore Ravens, Old Bay, and anything that has the Maryland flag pattern on it. She's a newly retired student-athlete and sorority girl, but not quite ready to call herself an adult, especially since she still has to be carried out of bars. With a Long Island in hand, she's ready for whatever life is throwing her way. Maybe.

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