Columns

22 Reasons Why Chick-fil-A Is The Best Effing Fast Food Place Ever

Screen Shot 2014-09-08 at 1.56.45 PM

As if we haven’t had enough grief lately, the king of delicious fast food, S. Truett Cathy, has said goodbye to us at the age of 93. Cathy was the founder of the restaurant we have more love for than we have for some of our family members: Chick-fil-A.

Opened in 1967, Chick-fil-A has always been there for us, thanks to our man Cathy. Despite the drama and controversy that faced the chain a little while back, there are some things that we all can’t deny about the restaurant. It has had huge financial success (including sales that reached $5 billion in 2013), it can actually cure a hangover, and it is the best fucking fast food eatery in the world.

So, in honor of Cathy, I’d like to remind all of you why Chick-fil-A is the best thing that has ever happened to us. Ever.

  1. It gave us the Original Chicken Sandwich. Before that, you never knew that perfection existed in two pieces of buttered, toasted bread that hug a fried piece of happiness and two perfect, little pickles.
  2. Chick-fil-A cooks with refined peanut oil, which is 100 percent trans-fat free. Chick-fil-A CARES about us. And our thighs.
  3. Waffle fries.
  4. Chick-fil-A Sauce was actually created by a fabulous, drunk god, and he was brilliant. (Former Chick-fil-A worker tip: it’s barbecue and honey mustard mixed together. You’re welcome).
  5. It shells out tons of money in scholarships for its workers to attend college and learn about things other than chicken.
  6. Cows are its mascot and it’s fucking adorable.
  7. It’s closed on Sunday, which is unfortunately the day we happen to want it the most.
  8. But, like, Chick-fil-A knows what it’s doing and plays hard to get.
  9. The workers get Sunday off every week to go to their place of worship. Or regret Saturday night’s events while lying in a bed they don’t recognize. Either way.
  10. You haven’t had a milkshake until you’ve had a Chick-fil-A milkshake.
  11. And when people make them, it kind of looks like they’re jerking something off, and that’s fun for everyone involved.
  12. Chick-fil-A now has grilled chicken nuggets, because it knows how to make life better.
  13. If you trade in your toy with your kids’ meal, you get a free ice cream cone.
  14. A FREE ICE CREAM CONE.
  15. The kids’ meals always include good, educational toys, so it’s an actual struggle between keeping the toy and getting the ice cream.
  16. The top three things in the world include hot, rich men, orgasm-inducing sex, and Chick-fil-A breakfast chicken biscuits.
  17. The menu has an adorable (and possibly even more delicious) mini version of the chicken biscuit, which proves that there really are good things in the world.
  18. Chick-fil-A has those amazing mints that not only make your breath smell great, but they taste delicious and melt in your mouth. Like, actually melt.
  19. The workers actually love helping you, so much that you cause them actual pleasure by being there. This is great because you get chicken, and you get to make someone happy. #MyPleasure
  20. The chicken is actually chicken.
  21. There is a day that if you dress up like a cow, you get free food. Chick-fil-A understands that if there is one thing we love more than getting free food, it’s dressing up.
  22. Thanks for everything, Mr. Cathy. You provided delicious food, milkshakes with more than 1,000 calories per sip, and a lifetime of hangover cures. Don’t worry, we’ll keeping doing what we do: eat more chicken.

Image via Chick-fil-A

Email this to a friend

Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

0 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account

For More Photos and Videos

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take TSM with you. Get

New Stories

Load More