Small pizzas. Medium pizzas. Large pizzas. No discrimination here.
Unlimited. TV. all. day. No human interaction. ‘Tis good.
- Your Bed.
Always welcomes you with open arms. Loyal. Trustworthy.
- The Internet.
So many memes. So many gifs.
- The Barista at Starbucks that knows you by name.
And knows your order by heart.
- Your Vibrator.
Who needs a partner?
- Baby Animals.
Fluffiness fulfills all the empty voids in our hearts.
- Youtube Makeup Tutorials.
Learn to make yourself prettier so you can find a boyfriend who WILL be there for you 24/7.
Drown your sorrows and forget he’s not mature enough to love you properly. Preferably before 11 am with unlimited brunch mimosas.
Hate stalking is life.
- The Karsdashians On Snapchat.
Rest in peace, Kim’s social media 3
- Taylor Swift’s Hormone Filled Ex-BF-Hate Songs.
She goes through breakups only to help you through them, it’s a proven fact.
- Your mom.
It might take seven phone calls, three texts, and a page on her pager from 1989, but she WILL get back to you eventually.
- Tacky Facebook posts.
You may not have a successful relationship, but at least you don’t air your dirty laundry on FB.
- Your little.
She’ll be ready to slash your dudes tires with you in a heartbeat. Unless you have a shitty little, because that happens sometimes.
- Reality Television.
How many episodes of Jersey Shore can one watch until they turn into an actual meatball?
- Your Therapist.
It’s their job to be there for you, so, they better be there for you.
- Your Favorite Fraternity.
Who needs one boy when you can have 40+ who will go to bat for you?
- Justin Bieber Drama.
At least you’re not as big of a mess as he is. Just ignore the fact that he has more money than you will ever see in your life.
- Total Sorority Move.
So you know, you’re never alone..
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