The Olympics are a display of the world’s greatest athletes. They train for years and years to make it to compete against other people who have trained for years and years. It’s the best way to bring a nation together: by turning it against all other nations. As Americans, we can band together and physically dominate the rest of the countries in sports like volleyball and curling. But that’s not the only thing that we are awesome at. If given the chance, we would annihilate the world in more than just the usual Olympic sports.
- Mini Golf
Watch out for the comically large crocodile, Spain. Weren’t expecting that, were ya?
It’s like bowling, but much smaller.
- Peeing After Just Painting Your Nails
It’s like defusing a bomb. Except the bomb going off is you just pissing yourself.
- Dizzy Bat
The game of champions.
- Black Friday
The closest thing to The Purge that America can legally have.
- Keg Stands
Betcha Canada would tap out after 13 seconds, tops.
- Unloading Groceries
Whoever can take the least amount of trips from the car to the house wins.
Real athletes don’t need boards.
It seriously needs to be brought back.
- Speed Makeover
Points will be awarded to the most creative, as well as the fastest.
- Bar Hop
Get a shot from each bar on the street. Obstacles include high heels, cobblestone street, and boycon dresses.
- Bitch Off
Two opponents are given a topic, whoever can bitch about it longer wins.
- Anything Involving The Kardashians
Love them or hate them, they are entertaining.
- Sneaking Into Your Parents’ House Drunk
Requires the stealth and agility of a cheetah.
If they can have it in Greek Week, they can have it in the Olympics.
- Bubble Soccer
Watching the world’s greatest athletes bounce off of each other like pinballs would be fascinating.
- Blow Jobs
It probably wouldn’t be televised, but recognizing that it requires great skills would be a big step for women everywhere.
- Wake Up Late For Class
Getting ready, eating, collecting your things, and racing to class under pressure is an athletic feat.
- Putting On Jeans
Shrink those bitches in the dryer and watch athletes struggle to get them over their thighs. They’re just like us!
- Facebook Stalking
Whoever can get back to prom first wins.
It’s basically cardio..