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20 Texts You Should Never Send

Kale.

Hi. I’m Babe Walker. You probably know me as the author of White Girl Problems. People tell me it’s amazing. So maybe it is? Or you may remember this? Anyway, I’m gonna be writing a new column here on TSM, starting today. Hope you enjoy it and if you do, check out my blog, BabeWalker.com and my new book, Psychos, coming out April 29th. If you don’t, then bye.

PS- I’m an authority on college relationships as I went to 5 different colleges in three years. Just couldn’t make up my mind, I’m sure you understand. Trust me when I tell you that you should read every word I write as gospel. Lying to people may be one of my favorite past times, but I promise I won’t lead you astray. Rock and Roll, deal with it.

The first dilemma we’re going to tackle together is texting…

20 Texts You Should Never Send To Someone You’re Into (No Matter How Bad You Want To)

1. I’m into you.
2. I like you.
3. To be honest, I think you’re really nice and great.
4. Do you like me?
5. What are your thoughts on me?
6. When you think about me, how do you feel?
7. I wouldn’t hate marrying you.
8. Sometimes I scream when your texts pop up on my phone 🙂
9. Yesterday I was on the elliptical and this super hot guy walked by and I thought it was you but it wasn’t what are you doing right now am I annoying you?
10. Am I pretty?
11. Should we fuck?
12. Is it crazy to want to have your babies? I know we don’t really know each other.
13. I’m pregnant. We’re pregnant! Just kidding. But text me.
14. If you don’t sleep with me I’ll tell everyone you’re gay. Which could be chic…I guess.
15. If you don’t sleep with me I’ll tell everyone we did anyway. So Let’s.
16. I’m starving, wanna get froyo?
17. I love you maybe.
18. I miss you when you go to class.
19. Will you marry me?
20. 😉

Tell me if I’m wrong, but in my opinion no one on the planet can get under your skin more than your own parents. Parents are either the best thing ever or the complete worst. And now that everyone’s parents text (or try to), communication with them has become an even trickier situation. Once, I drunk texted my dad when I meant to drunk text my ex-boyfriend. I thought it was hilarious but he wasn’t exactly amused that I was threatening to “kill my fake unborn baby” if he didn’t “text me back in the next 10 minutes :(.”

20 Texts You Should Never Send Your Parents (By Mistake OR On Purpose)

1. Where are you? No seriously where the fuck are you? Emergency.
2. I may or may not be preg
3. Phew. Not pregnant.
4. Oops. I’m pregnant.
6. Wanna throw in for some blow tonight?
7. I’m sick of you guys sending me money.
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20. {naked selfies}

Image via Gentle World

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Babe Walker

Babe Walker is the author of White Girl Problems and Psychos. You can follow her on Twitter at @whitegrlproblem.

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