20 Reasons Not To Hook Up With Your Ex

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1. You over-dramatically declared to him that he would NEVER SEE YOU NAKED AGAIN, and he laughed. Making a liar out of yourself makes you look pathetic, and him feel like a king.

2. You won’t be able to talk to your friends about it — not being able to tell your friends is the ultimate sign you shouldn’t be doing something.

3. He’s not that good in bed.

4. The time he cheated on you, didn’t call you back, and pointed out that you’d put on weight.

5. The time you yelled at him for hanging out with his friends, read through his text messages, and flirted with his friend to make him jealous.

6. You hated his roommates when they barged in on you naked when you were together. That will be exponentially more horrifying as his ex.

7. The only thing that became more monotonous than your sex life toward the end of your relationship was your conversation.

8. Just like chlamydia, feelings are often transmitted sexually. You really don’t want for either of you to have a flare-up.

9. The worst way to trick a new boy into falling in love with you is being hung up on your ex.

10. You’re drunk. When have you ever made a sound decision while drunk?

11. A night on his dick is not the same as a night in his arms.

12. “At least buy me a few drinks first” is put back into effect when you’re no longer a couple.

13. At one point, you were in love with this person. Allowing your relationship to be purely about sex is disrespectful to what you used to have.

14. When people say, “I can never remember if you two are actually dating,” to on-again-off-again couples, they’re neither laughing at, nor with you. They’re being straight up condescending.

15. That “You were the last person I was with” conversation is going to come up. One of you is going to be really pissed when the other person doesn’t reciprocate the sentiment.

16. If you don’t have feelings for him any more, you’re leading him on, meaning you’re the heartless asshole in this situation.

17. One great night together isn’t going to undo all the horrible nights you spent together. Those problems will resurface.

18. The one guy who was never a “bad decision” just became one. Now every single one of your hookups has, at one point or another, been a regrettable hookup.

19. You actually do have to shave for him now. It’s weird.

20. One of you will fall back in love after that night. The other will realize you just gave your last fuck on the matter…literally.


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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at

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