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20 Lies That Alcohol Tells You

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1.”You should totally text him. You won’t regret it tomorrow, promise.”

2. “Your hair looks really sexy when it’s all messy like that.”

3. “He just wants you to go to his room because it’s too loud in this basement. He can’t hear you!”

4. “It’s okay to take off your shoes. This floor totally looks clean.”

5. “Sure, you can sleep on the lawn. It’s super comfy and your back will feel great when you wake up!”

6. “Damn, girl. You dance like Beyoncé.”

7. “You know EVERY word to that song. You should prove it. “

8. “Wow, you’re a great singer! Everyone here is jealous of your voice.”

9. “Your fake ID will totally work there. Why wouldn’t it?”

10. “Go ahead and shack–you’ll definitely wake up in time for your 8 a.m. class.”

11. “You can take another shot. Trust me, you’ll be fine.”

12. “That bar looks like the perfect place to dance. It’s basically like a personal sized dance floor.”

13. “Definitely tell this stranger your deepest secrets. She cares.”

14. “Everyone totally wants to see your boobs. Classy girls flash people.”

15. “Oh yeah, it’s a good idea to say hello to your ex’s new girlfriend. For sure.”

16. “You should eat Taco Bell tonight. It’ll make you feel great tomorrow.”

17. “This guy definitely wants to hear about your ex. Be sure to go into detail.”

18. “You won’t regret making out with him. Plus, it’ll be really fun.”

19. “Your mom won’t mind you putting a $50 bar tab on her card. She’ll just be glad you had fun!”

20. “It’s better to just sleep in your dress than change into pajamas–plus, it’ll be really funny in the morning.”

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Lucky Jo

Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to lucyjmulvihill@gmail.com.

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