17 Ways To Tell Your Boyfriend “I Hate You” Without Actually Saying It


  1. Ask him if you can play video games with him, and then proceed to kill him even though you’re on the same team.
  2. Wake him up by politely asking if he would like a cup of coffee, and when he says yes, gently whisper, “Too bad, I drank it all, bitch.”
  3. Invite all your girlfriends over for a wine night anytime there’s a major sporting event that he’s dying to see.
  4. Get up and excitedly dance every time “Single Ladies” come on at the bar.
  5. Treat every photo op like he’s your bodyguard by making him hold all your shit and stepping forward to pose solo.
  6. Fill your house with fresh flowers at the peak of allergy season, just to show his sinuses who’s boss.
  7. Jump into a body of water every time you’re able. While you climb out, stare him dead in the eye and tell him, “RIP to your car’s leather interior.”
  8. Offer to buy him a round, but make sure whatever you get him is virgin.
  9. Google the ending to his favorite show and spoil it in the most evil way possible, like via lettering on his favorite cake or through a Snapchat nude caption.
  10. Tell him he’s the Ramsay to your Sansa.
  11. Disappear for hours at a time. When he asks where you keep going, tell him you’re filming your own Lemonade album because you “know about Becky.”
  12. Re-download Tinder and swipe right on all of his immediate family and/or friends.
  13. Treat him like he’s your British chauffeur by calling him “Jenkins” and sitting in the back seat every time he drives.
  14. Surprise him on your anniversary with a beautiful home-cooked meal, which you made using solely ingredients that he is allergic to.
  15. Block his number and then chastise him for failing to answer your many texts and calls.
  16. Tweet at all your favorite male celebrities, telling them you’re single and in need of a formal date.
  17. Give him blue balls whenever possible, as this is the most legal (and fun) form of domestic abuse.

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Lucky Jo

Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to

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